I have to admit I’m horrible at many things like multi-tasking, chore charts, meal plans.
But while surviving infidelity I’ve found out that I am completely incompetent at things I never knew I could be poor at
- Separation from my husband
- Not hating the whores that tsunami’d my life (yes I’m aware tsunami’d is not a verb)
- Not letting the whores dictate my life.
Dear readers I am horrible at these things, so terrible
Because the last time we separated I wanted him around way too much. I even went to go back to get him and bring him home. I think we lasted 6 days or so. That was when I still had so much love for him. I thought he was sexy as hell still, even if he is a whore. (Yes whore is my go-to word for these individuals)
Now we have hit separation #2. We are in it to win it now folks. We are shooting for a 3 month long no early termination, rules, and guidelines. Separation with a plan, I like it. I opted for a longer separation, but we can evaluate as we move along.
I called him like 5 times tonight. I mean it was random stuff some mean, some not.. but whatever I’m new at this right?
I am not going to tell you how I do horrible at the other bullets, but I am working on it.
I recently saw this on Facebook
Satan knows you by name and calls you by your sin
God knows your sin and calls you by your name.
Pretty powerful since I call my husband and ex-bff whores in my head or to their face. Not that I am Satan but I wonder if I am doing some of his dirty work and feeling happy about it. Which is sad. Which I know I am. I need to quit fooling myself and own up to being whom I like to refer myself to as the Duchess of Death.
I envision me in a dark cape, with black basket, black roses, and just poisoning people with my flowers I leave in my travels. So they too will feel my pain.
I’m not sure if I mentioned how self-absorbed I am. Now you know.
Anyways back to the separation part I emailed him some awful emails tonight as well. First email was saying how much I enjoyed his presence out of our house and the second email had photos of his whore and both families kids when we traveled together. I told him how sick he and his whore are and how he ruined the children’s friendships and families. I also said since he’s alone here are pictures of his whore and her holding our child so he can fantasize about the wife he really wants.
I pulled out all the punches in those emails and then I felt bad about it. (I did apologize)
Then I calle d him what seemed like 5 million times and I asked him if his whore is on his phone’s screensaver yet. He said he didn’t have that many photos of me. I thought that was clever and funny seriously laugh out loud funny! Just like the conversation I had with God while I was praying for Him to take this all away. To help me not love him anymore to move on with my life. These awful whores Lord just keep them far from me and I hear
“They are not whores”
Me: Yes they are Lord you cannot tell me otherwise
“Well they are remorseful whores”
I died laughing and I never expected to laugh tonight or find any joy.
Anyways tonight was a good prayer night I reached out to the Lord with my hand held out begging for some relief. I never do that but tonight felt like it was time. And I got some relief, best relief ever and my favorite the comical kind. ❤