The 12 Steps Of Forgiveness

I gave this to Bob what feels like eons ago, but in actuality it was like 3 months. I really thought I could forgive and move on I didn’t know it was a process or if I did I thought I did it (if that makes sense).

Turns out I guess I’ve never really forgiven people because I just cut the poison out. M and S are poison. S is out for dam sure in my life. M? once again FML it would be easy if we didn’t have 4 children who thought he is the best thing since sliced bread.

Who look to him for validation and affirmation daily.. Can I compete with their Dad unfortunately no. I will never be their Dad.

So I reblog this to remind me that anger is my first response to anything I’m uncomfortable with. We all know I have anger down like a BOSS!! as my son would say..

Here’s to fucking step one, I’m pretty sure I will be here a bit until I calm the fuck down.. but now I know the work I have to put in to forgive and let go.. Here’s to forgiving

4 little Fergusons

  Forgiveness is hard.  It’s hard because it feels like WE are the ones losing when we give it, but that is a lie.  Satan loves it when you feel that way, because you just hold it tighter in your clenched fist. You own it. You wear it. You live it each and every day.

  Guess what? You don’t have to ANYMORE.

  Forgiveness the very foundation on which we stand, saved by grace. Jesus wants us to lay our burdens and hurts down at His feet, to let HIM have them, to release us from our heavy load. He is a gentleman. He will never take them from you, He simply waits for you to hand them to Him.

The burden of unforgiveness is a hard one to bear, for it is like swallowing poison every day, and expecting the other person to get sick. Eventually, it is…

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6 thoughts on “The 12 Steps Of Forgiveness

  1. I have posted many times, that this is something I feel is unforgivable, I still feel that way, after almost 2 years! That being said I try everyday to move forward in our marriage, because I didn’t break the vows. I feel you can move on without forgiveness, I am. This time I’m the one with the choice, he made his when he decided to cheat, I now make my choice of not forgiving, that doesn’t mean I hate or am not trying, I just feel it is possible to move forward without it! XO Joan

  2. This was an interesting read and she makes some good points. However. While I normally avoid the “my-affair-situation-was-worse-than-your-situation comparisons like the plague, I find I must go there. Twelve stepping your way to forgiveness sounds marvelous, and I really wish I could be further down the list. But my husband didn’t just screw his whore once, it lasted over a year. He didn’t screw her in the neutral location of his office, he screwed her in our home (and my bed, bathtub, and car….but hey, who;s counting?). She wasn’t a nice person. She knew she had a venereal disease but lied about it through half of the affair. It has impacted my health in a big way. She wasn’t a stranger to me, she was supposedly “my” friend as well. When my husband ended the affair? She didn’t cry prettily, apologize with sincere remorse, and we did not end up quasi-bff’s. She lawyered up, tried to bring a very ugly, very public sexual harassment suit and tried to ruin us every which way under the sun with her false and vindictive allegations. She then proceeded to stalk and harass my older (teenage) children, and myself via anonymous profiles on multiple social media outlets, including spewing vulgar details of their affair to my daughter. Nice, huh?

    So betrayal is betrayal and pain is pain. I’m not saying this blog author has less than I do or that I have suffered more. We just have different circumstances. Different layers to overcome. Like Joan said above, I work hard every day on focusing on THIS day. I am the one with a choice, and I have chosen to forgive him and build a new marriage. It has conditions attached, because I will never go through this again. As far as seeing the OW as anything but a bunny boiler, I would be crazy to not watch my back. Her own attorney advised us to do that very thing. The crazy got so wide and so deep, he dropped her as a client.

    My husband has a great deal to make up for and luckily for me he is doing everything in his power to do so. I hope this didn’t come off as bitchy and bitter, because that is truly not where I am at. I have come to believe there is enormous pressure put on us betrayed spouses to forgive. Most of us that stay, get there in time. But again, like Joan, I don’t see it as a necessity. In my opinion, it is far more important to forgive YOURSELF. We didn’t deserve to be cheated on and we didn’t cause it. Nothing we did or did not do, caused our spouses to cheat. When you can fully embrace THAT truth, you are way ahead of the game.

    • Nope didn’t see it as bitchy or bitter. Thank you for the comment it gave me something to do while I just stopped crying on my bed 🙂 You are right her situation is way different than just a ONS or in her case a One day stand. Thanks I never saw it that way and now I do.
      Thanks for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry that you got all lawyered up good grief if this isn’t a shitty enough situation.
      Your comment came to me at just the right time EG.. thank you so much ❤ ❤

  3. Thank you exercisegrace, usually I stand alone when I comment on forgiveness, but I truly believe it is not a necessity & I prove that everyday by working hard on saving my marriage. I agree with you that we are pressured to forgive as being the only way to move on! That is a personal choice every betrayed spouse must choose for themselves, if that is what they need to do to heal, I’m happy for them, but I know if I said I forgive you to my husband, it would be a lie & we certainly don’t need another liar in our marriage! That’s just me, hope I don’t offend anyone, that’s not my intention! Hugs to all my sweet, strong, blogging friends! XO Joan

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