This morning I do not wake refreshed. I know because the baby screamed alot last night. She sleeps her best when her Mom is at peace I was not at peace.
M posed me with the question this morning “How can he help me with feeling loved?” I suppose it’s one of those things that just won’t happen until I can change my outlook. I don’t trust the man to protect me, to keep me safe.
I love his touch
I love his help
I love him
I just will not feel comfortable with him for a LONG time.. I know that he’s not someone on my team roster. I don’t have his back either. I mean if we were ever in a position where I would have to fight for him say a mugging situation, a brawl, yeah I used to be the girl who would have her man’s back.. Yup not so much now.
Not that we put ourselves in those type of positions, but if they were to happen.. hypothetically or if M needed an organ and I was a match.. umm.. I have a blood problem not in the mood for risking my life for this guy.
Just to let you know I think I’m fooling myself. I bet I would give him an organ, and fight for him I’ don’t love 1/2 way I just want to be able to do that. I don’t think I could though which makes me feel like a loser 😦
Wow the things you discover while blogging.
Well here’s to the day I must get this place cleaned up before we get out of here. Thought I would have a garage sale but that is not happening.
Sometimes as I clean my mind tends to wander. I am going to combat those fucked up voices with Scripture and music.
Here’s to the day..