A question

So M and I are getting along we are packing up things and every once in awhile we are getting it on and I think of S. S doing the same things I am doing to my husband. 

 I think I might be in denial because sometimes I think this isn’t happening and want to call S and tell her what a fucked up dream I had. So I told M what I see sometimes and asked if I am envisioning these things I would think he does too.

So do you? M looked puzzled it looked as if he were going to lie and he says sometimes. So I ask do you have positive thoughts about that? 

I have no idea why I ask M these questions thinking he is so clever and funny on his feet he can come up with anything. But he says No, I don’t I look back on it and think how could I be so stupid.

I asked him if he was going to lie to me and he said no I was just thinking about how to answer the question.

Today I choose M. I get frustrated to say I hope I can choose him the rest of my life 

Here’s to tomorrow and me not losing my shit on a 5 hour drive.

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One thought on “A question

  1. I don’t remember but were they caught mid-affair? Mine ended it and skankola told me around six-eight weeks after the last fuck (I don’t know because he “can’t remember” for sure – R I G H T.) But I have worked out that timeframe. it was definitely six weeks since he last SAW her in person. Therefore he was fone. He says he NEVER thought of her when making love with me. Not during. Not after. Men seem to be better at drawing boxes around stuff – compartmentalising. Never stopped me picturing him between her legs lapping away at her though! Or bent over our kitchen bench, balls deep, or……..

    I guess the thing is, somehow WE have to try to learn to compartmentalise too. I wasn’t successful at that. It infuriated me because I know many of the women he was with before me, and if I don’t know them, I know about them, because we talked openly about them. It never bothered me in the least. Even when I was in the UK I know who he was screwing then. Also doesn’t bother me. So why get my knickers in a twist and play out these sick scenarios about THIS one? I think it is purely my psyche trying to convince my heart that he is just no good. “See, watch this stupid heart, he is a filthy cheat.”

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