Disconnect..

The asshole that I am married to..

He is blaming me for our recent disconnect.. that clever bitch has lies up his sleeve and he’s blaming me?

I’m telling you people I up and left. I packed my purse with books and walked out of this bitch for a few hours. Yup he didn’t even have a chance to ask where I was going.

Best part about all this infidelity shit.. I don’t have to ask, I don’t even have to tell him time, place, with who.

I can just walk the fuck out and his ass deals with it.

So as I sat at a restaurant eating fries and a sundae reading my book. I people watch and just think am I contributing to this mess?

I sure can’t put our marriage under fire that shit has just gone up in smoke. I cannot make it any worse, but am I making it any better?

I hate this two-sided coin sometimes in dealing with a so-called-reformed-ho-bag.

A few days ago I went to the grocery store by myself, but before I went I visited the local coffee shop and it’s impressive.  Barista was knowledgeable and they even sell these expensive hand crafted mugs for $30 but they are nice! I got to meet the creator of the mug as well. Conversation was friendly and I had a blast getting to know these people.

Did I call M to see if he wanted anything? Nope. Did I tell him about my lovely experience I mean that was the most well-versed Barista I ever met. He knew the company where all the baked goods came from, he knew how long the coffee beans were roasted, and he was engaged to a Californian. Yeah the kid rocked all the way around and made a good iced latte. 🙂

I haven’t told M a damn thing and I don’t feel guilty about it. I didn’t do anything wrong..

But I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit that is this the path I want to travel on? That is a completely different story.

M has helped me clean the kitchen numerous times, he is always asking if I want to go anywhere, but he was reaffirming things I found to be true, but he didn’t.

I call him sick (thanks Bob btw I didn’t see it that way at first but damn yeah you nailed it) and I was losing it one morning and I told him what was so awesome about her to do this? You suck so bad!! and M says There was nothing I was sick and stupid.

Then later on we talk about that statement and he says he said that because “I call him sick”.

Then in all my amazing intuitiveness I say so you are lying to me. You are using my own words and thoughts and telling them to me even if you don’t believe them!!???!!

Once again MOTHERFUCKER!!

Do you realize you are doing this? He says a little but he is trying to walk on eggshells because he doesn’t want to trigger me and party people I hope we’ve been friends long enough to know I’m about to FLIP OUT…

Yeah..

He doesn’t think he’s sick. Fine we’ll get back to how insane he is later. But the fact he is reaffirming my thoughts and beliefs and he doesn’t buy them, but is using them??

He didn’t see that as a problem..

I work on not thinking about taking things into my own hands and making him disappear on my own volition, because what you think can quickly become reality in no time at all, don’t I know that first hand

I explained to him that in doing so he is not expressing his true feelings and disagreeing with me is fine. I can take disagreement. What I can’t take is fakers and dishonesty and I think you are both right now and what kind of relationship are we building here if you are walking on eggshells and not being honest with your feelings.

Trust me I’ll be getting to the bottom of why he is not sick later.. OH YES.. that conversation is happening..

Speaking of honesty.. I apologized to the boy last night for lying to him. He asked if I wrote this blog and I told him “No”. Because he didn’t like the name of the blog. He said it should be named How to love your husband. I told him I would let the author know. He said I thought you wrote it? And the deceiving my son began.

I apologized last night and told him I was sorry. I just didn’t want him to think I hate your father forever, because I don’t. I love him too. But that’s no excuse and I’m sorry. The boy likes when I apologize to him, probably a bit too much.

Babies are up time to make oatmeal.

Today I made M breakfast again. We smiled, he touched my hair, I said a quick prayer for him.

Also we went to a church yesterday called Journey, it was amazing.. looking forward to going again 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Disconnect..

  1. Would never tell you to do that, I don’t consider anything we say or do after Dday as whining, we have a right to complain, yell, throw things, cuss, anything that gets us through the day, FALL DOWN, GET BACK UP, REPEAT, as long as it takes, it is what it is! The ball is in your court now, not his! XO Joan

  2. I recommend the infidelity blog titled Divorce Minister. This pastor divorced his cheating wife and is married again. He has great advice for a Christian or anyone.

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