Being Roommates with a cheating spouse

It’s almost month 3 and it feels unreal. It really feels like years. We’ve done a million ups and downs it seems, but still breathing under the same roof.

The kids seem to be doing better since we have been under the same roof for awhile now. I think they are still getting over my tirade of trying to leave on Sunday evening.

All the girls have had fevers, but the boy has been spared.

A few weeks we were truly separated but found to be under one roof again either due to sickness from the kids, M having nowhere else to go, or me going to get him.

But now we are at a stalemate because I’m feeling pretty strongly that this marriage is not going to survive. Yup he’s more patient, kind, and thoughtful. He took me to the mall for hours no sighing, took the kids while I shopped, it was like 3 hrs and I only found 1 dress.

Yeah not my best shopping moment, but he was a gem. He’s a great guy now, he’s attentive and kind, but I have no intention on being Mrs. M anymore. Nope not one bit. I wasted 13 years with him and I do not feel like wasting anymore.

But due to the circumstances of me not having a job and the kids super loving him and what to do with house, finances, and the like.

We have now chosen to be roommates. Funny that’s what he called me to S. I’m not offended by the label now. I don’t mind.

No sex, no sleeping in the same bed. Now that I write this it seems familiar like we’ve tried this before to no avail. but maybe we’ll be better at it the second time. Who knows. I do know I don’t feel I will regret walking out on him right now.

I actually remember when he packed up and left the first night I was so relieved and relaxed. I’m glad I put all of his belongings and pictures in his music room so when the time comes for him to move out..

Oh crap I’m getting ahead of myself. We are going to iron out the details of us being roommates under the same roof tomorrow and if we are going to separate when we get home again and where he is going to go because he doesn’t want to stay with his parents long.

But only time will tell what will happen to this family. I still do not want to be married to him and want out. I feel sorry for him though, that’s why I am who I am the destruction of his choices brought misery upon his kids, his wife, and others. I would hate to live with that the rest of my life and watch my spouse move on without me because of being so selfish.

Yup affairs are not worth it. Not at all. I even thought S was like a sister to me so I loved her and knew what kind of woman she was pre-adultery and even in all her awesomeness he still clings she was not worth this. I would have to agree.



4 thoughts on “Being Roommates with a cheating spouse

  1. Its obvious the amount of pain you still going through dear friend. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it go away for you. Im so sorry your hurting. I have to wonder if your trying to make a decision about what you want to do too early after d-day. Most things ive read state to NOT make any decisions while your emotions are still so raw, and I agree. They say wait between 1-2years to really know what needs to happen. Its difficult to know how you want this to go when so many different emotions inside. I gave myself 2 years before I decide, (sometimes not sure if 2 years is too long myself but i know my emotions still flip/flop several times a day ). Its tough to stay in limbo yes, but once you get divorced you cant undo it, but if you wait and then discover you do want out , you can then start the process. For me I felt I had to give time ’cause I dont want to regret my choice. Maybe something to consider. Hope you have a good day – always here for you- chely

  2. Please don’t feel rushed about having to make a decision. Give it at least 6 months, longer if you need it. Anything less than that and you are doing yourself and your children a disservice. Take your time. No one is rushing you except yourself. PS That Sally is a real piece of work. What a nasty, selfish, backstabbing whore. Good riddance. xo

  3. I am sorry this happened to u. Believe me when I say I understand what u r going through. It’s only been 3 mos since u officially found out. Give yourself time to decide what u really want, and what is best for your family. It’s going to take a while before u start to feel normal, and can make decisions u won’t regret. As far as sally goes, let her in the past where she belongs. I’m sure at one time she might have been a friend, but that ended a long time ago. She is a coward and a liar. A best friend does not go poaching after another woman’s husband, PERIOD. U deserve better than that. U can forgive her, but only because it’s better for u not to carry around that hate. Affairs change everything, your outlook on life, the friendships u have, how y view yourself and the man who did this to u. Just know that you r beautiful, strong, smart, courageous, and funny. You will get through this because the only other option is to curl up and give up, and that’s not you. Focus on things that make u happy and know that you have a sisterhood of women cheering u on. Don’t give up on him just yet. Take care. I wish u a peaceful day.

  4. I know it feels like years, but it isn’t. I feel completely different at 3 years than 3 months. I look back and can hardly remember being at 3 months. There was little difference between 3 days and 3 months. Hang in there.

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