Not being a slut isn’t so hard

Today out of the blue and old Army pal that I made out with years ago Facebook’s me. Asks me about life. We chat for a while.. then it goes to

Remember when we made out? You were a great kisser

Whoa hold the brakes.. 1. this guy is married we just talked about it 2. Okay I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and just roll with the extra fond memories

Because A. I think I’m a great kisser.. I kind of use to pride myself on it. I never took classes or anything, but kissing was fun and easy and well I was always complimented on it after the fact normally, not in the throes of passion so I took the compliments as fact.

So conversation continues and then he’s all you look great and I’m all thanks and then I say I’m not on much since husband started cheating on me with this medium so I don’t have alot of recent photos. And then he goes..

Did you ever like me?

Can you send me a recent picture? Not any sexy pics thought j/k.. and well.. I sent him a picture with my kids and asked him politely how marriage and kids were going.

How awesome he is not to be a cheating husband like mine and how much I love toddlers..

Conversation ended with I hope everything works out for you.. the end

M was not too thrilled with the conversation and was irritated that I sent him a picture. It was a harmless smiling face with my kids in the background.

M said I should have sent him a picture of him. Funny guy.. he’s jealous.

At first I was kind of flattered by this old Army pal, but then I was sickened to wonder what his wife would think of this conversation. Hopefully I helped him out by not encouraging his behavior.

I am proud of myself for not being a douche bag slut and how risky somewhat innocent questions can get mucky with encouraging the wrong attention.

1. I am so glad I’m not a slut

2. You should have seen M’s reaction when I told him no one envies a cheater

3. I think that was just a present from God… this weird FB conversation was great to get M jealous and wondering where guys get off talking to someone’s wife like that. LOL! Isn’t M a riot?

I feel sorry for him I really do. I get the jealousy part but he’s always been that double standard guy. The one where you point out well you do the same thing and they would get mad, deny, re-direct, or simply withdraw. Yup typical M.

I wondered if M is just a stepping stone to the real relationship that God wants me in. I talked with my MIL today and she asked me a question what do I want?

And I’m at a blank. I have no idea. Sometimes the things I want are no good for me. My tantrums, hate mail at the time I think they are great.. Afterwards not so awesome.

What do I want? What do I need?

I just go back to I want a faithful husband, I need this to never have happened.. All stupid answers and do not help me now at all. Those answers just suck me into the blackhole of depression and grief.

I don’t want M for a husband. I still don’t want M near me. I can tolerate him, have fun, laugh, have sex, but there is no love for him like I had before. He’s just a man I have children with and don’t wish to hate anymore. A man who broke my heart without care and foolishly thought and still thinks everything will work out.

I am going to do an exercise that Married and In Love with a Married Woman blogged about it’s about your truths in bullet points. Here goes

  • I know my faith is true. I have a genuine heart for God even if  I don’t listen to Him fully
  • I love my kids. I wouldn’t change a thing except the whole have their own personality thing, I would prefer to choose that part 🙂
  • I know M loves me
  • I want out from under M, from under this marriage I let it turn me into something I’m not because of fear and love for M.
  • I am scared that I cannot handle being away or separated from M for long periods of time, what that will do to our kids, and our financial status
  • I have to evaluate myself as scary as that sounds, I need to look deep and find out what taking care of me looks like. Evaluate what I want and looking at those wants with wise counsel and God
  • M and I make a great team we are good together, but I’m not sure that means we need to be married.
  • I want to start taking the time out to focus on new goals for my life.

Here’s to day 7 on the horizon of choosing joy. We have been good to each other. I do get mad, but can visit with him calmly without malice even when something he says makes me want to jump out of a vehicle. I have kept the peace. I am choosing this family over my own crazy feelings and grounding myself in that for right now.

I know it confuses M and makes him wonder what is going on?

 

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5 thoughts on “Not being a slut isn’t so hard

  1. Yeah. Boundaries. All your warning sirens were working well! Sorry, but what an arsehole your old army buddy was. Not cool. He has the net out (pardon the pun) and is trawling to see what he can catch (let’s hope it’s not diseases, ‘cos those fuckers break what’s left of your heart.) I like that M saw that someone else thinks you’re pretty great (even if that someone else was being seriously inappropriate!)

  2. In case you missed it, your army buddy was looking for an inappropriate relationship with you, i.e. affair. Did he seriously ask you “Did you ever like me?”!! Fuck, he was fishing! Glad you put him in his place, although don’t know if I would have sent him a family photo…

    • Yup super fishing.. He’s a good guy well he was and I just talked with him about his wife and toddler..
      I hope it helped him not be a douche bag.. but I’m probably not the only one he’s done that with I can imagine.. seems like a pro but then again maybe not 🙂

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