After round 1 M weed eated, I cleaned the kitchen.
All of a sudden he’s in the kitchen with me. In my way, behind me. He does this thing where he gets just close enough to touch me and I smile.
I turn around, he says he’s sorry. He’s not sure what came over him.
He then took the girls with him to get his hair cut.
Afterwards he apologizes again. We talk.
I go over how I saw him handle our conversation the resentment I saw and I wasn’t going to tolerate it.
M says he sees that now and is glad we can argue and still come together.
I agree because yes, I’m not taking any shit anymore, ever from his ass..
But that also means not being a complete nut-case and giving some grace for apologies and growth on both of our sides.
I think we did that today. Now do I think we have this down pat?? Fuck no..
But I know I don’t want M in a miserable relationship. Why you ask? Because then I would be in one too and I sure as fuck don’t want that either or our kids to put up with it.
So this fight ended rather quickly, quicker and quieter than I anticipated.
God is good all the time.
I said that in Celebrate Recovery tonight in group how I’m going to surrender to the idea that God is faithful even in this storm I am in. Many times over I have questioned His faithfulness and God has met me and exceeded my expectations during this time.
Here’s to another day down.
I have to say I’ve been thinking about M’s AP more lately in the past few days. Crazy how the bitch pops up and then I’m like fuck I’m thinking about her 😦 Why am I thinking about her, Why??! Then I’m like stop thinking about her…
The only thing I can equate this experience to is in our high school youth group there was this game called “The Game” and if you thought or talked about the game you lost. But that was the funny part you could always lose or claim someone lost the game. Because just choosing not to think about something guarantees a thought about that something.
So here’s to washing my brain of that nonsense (M’s AP) and focusing on myself, healing, God, my family, and this marriage.
There is no room left.. well there shouldn’t be right to think about stupidness? 🙂