Or he could just die..
Yeah today I prayed for it. I choose to love a forgiving, omnipotent, loving God so I’m pretty sure He’s not going to do it on my accord.
But when I’m crying in the shower I hope He will..
Ahh.. M would be so disappointed to know these things.. Not like I’m keeping them from him. I’ve told him all these things during this 5 month period in hell that seems to keep continuing..
Just haven’t told him lately. I’m sure he would understand coming from the land of liars and losers club.
I was starting to come out of my sadness, but then it just turned to rage not too long ago watching “Falling Skies” and “Hell on Wheels” with M. I will never know he’s over his affair. I just have to take his word, and his word is what to me??
He’s being way better than the first time when he was supposedly working on his marriage.. Good Lord I swear I hate him so much thinking that this is his second time trying to work on being the husband that I want. Hell anyone would want.
One who is not a liar and honest. I mean I know I ask alot out of a spouse..
M answered my question that maybe one day I’ll know.. Motherfucker like I want to wait around for that day..
I really do think it will break my children’s hearts, their innocence of family, and their worldview divorcing M.
I feel trapped thinking that way and from what children say it’s true. They always want their Mom and Dad together and even adults who’s parents divorce take it really hard..
See there is another reason why I hate him..
I’m pretty sure today may be another rough day and I thought I was coming out of the suffering..
Heard some great things about a drug I might consider taking. Welbutrin I think?
One day this will all end.. the suffering, the sadness, the irritation of dishonesty and lies that were unnecessary. These past few days I’ve been pretty bent on being okay with divorcing him. I need to keep track of these things..
Because maybe it’s what needs to happen..