I think I failed Love Dare #1

Okay so I told our carpet guy. He was a neighbor of ours and him and his wife are a part of our church family.

I told him the truth I hated M.

It’s more like a silent hate. Like I can do so many of this family life. But I hate him, but it’s like a hate of an acquaintance not a husband of 13 years.

I just don’t have a whole lot of love for the guy.

Anyways so I told M that I told our carpet guy and M asked “So did you tell him you were sticking it out for the long haul?”

Uhh…(thanks Love Dare) because what I wanted to say was

“Come again Motherfucker?”

But I didn’t.. I just said “No.” and then I asked is that what he expects. Does he think I’m at a point of telling others I’m in this marriage for the long haul?

What a loon.. I should never be shocked by what comes out of M’s mouth anymore.

Anyways I elaborated that I don’t see that in my future, I used to but I don’t anymore. I used to be scared of you dying not financially but just emotionally. I wanted him in my life. There is none of that now. I want him here to not have a weekend Dad for the other person who created these beautiful, talented, ingrates to be here all the time helping me out.

And then I was like.. Crap.. Love Dare #1 fail only speak loving words to your spouse..

FML.. so do I have to do the day over again?

Crap.. I guess I’ll ask the other chick that I’m doing this with and I’ll decide.

 

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5 thoughts on “I think I failed Love Dare #1

  1. Not to be a spoiler, but NO – you don’t have to do the day over again. In fact, the first several days build/compound from the previous days. There are some TOUGH days in there… both for me, a WS and probably a BS as well. Honestly, I can talk more about the dares if you ever want. Either way, just know you don’t fail on any of the dares. The fact that you read the words and attempt them, in my book, is close enough. 🙂 Good luck! Hey, did you check out that Hold Me Tight book?

  2. You know, I think you are rushing things. Trying to work on the marriage when you are still a mess within yourself seems counter-productive. A lot of it will feel like you are minimizing the massive emotional pain and devastation you are going through. I read this somewhere at the beginning of my journey… have to go look it up.

    I know a lot of people recommend Love Dare to couples trying to heal from an affair. This is just my opinion, but I think there has to be some healing beforehand, especially if the betrayed spouse is the one doing the work.

    Praying for you! Love ~ DJ

  3. Thanks DJ and Shattered.. I don’t consider it work, it just keeps me from just processing anger at him, what a liar he was and probably still is, what kind of man I married such a coward and I could go on and on in my head and it consumes me to be someone I’m not and don’t want to be
    Since his AP is pretty much out of my life and I grieved that deplorable meeting with his AP. I still allow my thoughts to drift to what a douche M is.

    The Love Dare just helps me focus on lighter things.

    I don’t think the Love Dare is too heavy or too much work. My therapist says as long as I find it a positive in my life then it’s cool. Because we all want NotHate to do what I my nickname says… not hate.

    Thanks for having my back DJ and shattered I know I’m far from recovering, but keeping my mind in a better place focusing on love. Not really a love, get-it-on but just the love God wants us to have for each other on a basic level for M.

    The Love Dare does that for me. I’m expecting no results really in my relationship there really isn’t much there. But there is a rocking NotHate that wants to be free of this nonsense and day by day I’m finding her ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Ok my therapist didn't say it's cool, but I paraphrased

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