Wow after going all cray cray afterwards God revealed to me that I allow myself to drown.
I allow that, the anger, hurt, betrayal, lies, my husband’s sick want for a vile woman and him being vile himself. Ick ick ick..
Air I need air!!
I notice I do that in my mind and when I talk to M about his stupidness. I drown, I’m drowning..
Then I hear the movement of the water. I can choose to swim and I see myself, I can feel myself moving, not drowning.
And even when M is speaking and I think it has to be the dumbest thing in the world I know I don’t have to drown. I know I can swim.
And then I’m reminded of finding Nemo “Just Keep Swimming”
But it’s more than that because I can now feel when I’m sinking. I can sense it and then I know I have a choice to swim. I can swim.
Promise I have no fucking idea of where I’m swimming, or how big my ocean is, I just know I’m not drowning and that is a great feeling.
And I feel empowered and it feels amazing.