Drowning and Swimming

Wow after going all cray cray afterwards God revealed to me that I allow myself to drown.

I allow that, the anger, hurt, betrayal, lies, my husband’s sick want for a vile woman and him being vile himself. Ick ick ick..

Air I need air!!

I notice I do that in my mind and when I talk to M about his stupidness. I drown, I’m drowning..

Then I hear the movement of the water. I can choose to swim and I see myself, I can feel myself moving, not drowning.

And even when M is speaking and I think it has to be the dumbest thing in the world I know I don’t have to drown. I know I can swim.

And then I’m reminded of finding Nemo “Just Keep Swimming”

But it’s more than that because I can now feel when I’m sinking. I can sense it and then I know I have a choice to swim. I can swim.

Promise I have no fucking idea of where I’m swimming, or how big my ocean is, I just know I’m not drowning and that is a great feeling.

And I feel empowered and it feels amazing.

 

 

 

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One thought on “Drowning and Swimming

  1. I understand!!!! Isn’t it great when you can FINALLY feel when you are sinking?! Then you can start to swim!! A few weeks after I became away of the sinking/swimming feeling is when I had the day I realized I had gone hours without thinking about it!!! I think better days are coming!! : )
    *HUGS*

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