So much to do

Packing all 6 of us up again.

In being so busy I don’t have time to think about us.

Last night I asked to kiss him.

We went slow.

I didn’t expect to feel so immersed in the moment.

Especially since I’ve been getting better. M and I are together but my heart is not for him. I don’t get excited to see him anymore.

I am happy he’s around for our family. That he’s here for support.

Right now he’s like the guy after you break-up with someone and you cling to a warm body who is helpful.

Yeah M fulfills that space for me.

It’s good we are going slow, because he doesn’t have my heart.

I hate saying I don’t fully trust him but I know it’s true.

But I hate saying that because not trusting someone I equate that to fear.

I’m afraid of M in someway.

Afraid of breaking my heart again? Nope already did that and I survived

Afraid of lying again to keep my awesome self? Yup.. I would have to agree

Fucking another? Nope. Have at it M go be with whoever you want

Afraid of catching a disease? Yeah I’m afraid

The things I am afraid of seem valid

The fear pisses me off.

Here’s to the day

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2 thoughts on “So much to do

  1. By the way that comment on IHAA blog that pretends to be from me and is written by him needs to be taken down or will be reported. It’s pretty pathetic when someone can’t handle the truth and has to fake comments from people who are critical of their behaviour. But from a liar and a cheat we have to expect fake comments. One wonders if any of the comments are real.

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