Packing all 6 of us up again.
In being so busy I don’t have time to think about us.
Last night I asked to kiss him.
We went slow.
I didn’t expect to feel so immersed in the moment.
Especially since I’ve been getting better. M and I are together but my heart is not for him. I don’t get excited to see him anymore.
I am happy he’s around for our family. That he’s here for support.
Right now he’s like the guy after you break-up with someone and you cling to a warm body who is helpful.
Yeah M fulfills that space for me.
It’s good we are going slow, because he doesn’t have my heart.
I hate saying I don’t fully trust him but I know it’s true.
But I hate saying that because not trusting someone I equate that to fear.
I’m afraid of M in someway.
Afraid of breaking my heart again? Nope already did that and I survived
Afraid of lying again to keep my awesome self? Yup.. I would have to agree
Fucking another? Nope. Have at it M go be with whoever you want
Afraid of catching a disease? Yeah I’m afraid
The things I am afraid of seem valid
The fear pisses me off.
Here’s to the day