M and I did theories today and what we are thinking. M said I give him a headache just as fact nothing negative.
Paula talked to me about band-aid babies.
M said he believed I love him. He’s right and wrong..
M is upset about the baby thing, that he can’t give me another baby. I suppose it’s for the best I have a blood problem.
But I just want her memory erased in that sense. She won’t be the first person I call when I am scared I’m pregnant.
She won’t be around at all, not coming to my delivery room, my husband won’t be having an affair.
But Nothate you don’t even know if you want to be married to him, why would you want to have another baby with him..
I suppose it may be the whole bag of peanut butter M&M’s I ate, but I do I want another baby without her memory tarnishing my family. I don’t want her near my children, ever.. period..
Not that she’s a horrible person and would damage my kids. But she won’t hold my new baby and be apart of my life, my children’s lives, her memory would be that and will fade over time.
And if M has another affair? or decides to leave? Fuck him our next baby will rock just like the other four with or without him.
So M wants to try a reversal and I’m pretty happy with him going to drastic measures. I mean there’s not a big chance of him giving me a baby anymore. Reversals are expensive too. But he’s willing and I’m impressed. Having those jewels cut (by a professional) somehow brings me a little glee and then I may or may not get a baby that is we’ll just use her initial for dramatic purposes S-free 🙂
However you know crazy Nothate really has a compassion for M’s AP. I was thinking about putting a smile on her face by dropping off a big Sam’s club toilet paper like you know the million roll one and stick a note on it saying I would tee-pee your house but that’s too much work. So pretend.. She is always dreading the clean-up process of someone tee-peeing her house
Or since it’s fall drop a Mum plant at her door. And say “Happy Fall don’t kill me”
Because I miss my long lost sister and I wonder if she loved me like M. That crazy sick love that you can do this to someone and still keep a person in your heart.
Because if so I feel bad for her. I’ve been feeling so much compassion for her lately.
That I wonder who outside of her home is making her smile 🙂
Yeah I know she’s a lying, cheat of a I don’t know if I can call her best friend, but she isn’t soul-less. She bleeds as I do.
Oh well.. I know things are getting crazy around here talking about Artificial insemination, vasectomy reversals, auto-immune diseases, and compassion for M’s AP.
I know in my heart God wants me to reconcile with her too. One day..
We got to make notes to have our church pray for those who are on our hearts. I put Me, S & Bob, and M.
Or maybe I’m not supposed to reconcile with anyone except God and I just need to stop eating bags of peanut butter M&M’s.
Honestly I’d rather reconcile with anyone than give up the M&M’s Peanut Butter ones only.. no peanut, pretzel, or whatever else they try to stuff in an M&Ms..
How To Not Hate My Husband 
Mmmmmmmm. Now I want peanut butter m&m’s. Seriously. Those things are amazing!
Also, OW2 was my friend, and though I don’t feel the need to reconcile our friendship, I have been feeling that God tug on my heart to let her know I’ve forgiven her. I don’t want to. I’m scared she’ll use it against me. But, I know, ultimately God’s plan is better than mine and even if she does try to use it against me, He will use it for good. But man, I don’t want to.
OW was also my friend. My very very very good friend. The one I called to have our very own Wine Wednesdays, our children shared birthdays so we made sure to schedule bday parties around each other so we would not miss one, texting randomly, working, working out, cooking… there are A LOT of memories to replace. She never ever had a right to my family, in any way. Their affair started before I was friends with her.
So I can see, maybe not in as drastic a way as a child (for me – b/c I’m totally good w/ my two and don’t want another) – but I see and can understand how you feel.
I’m also fairly impressed that M is willing to consider such drastic measures. That’s big. Really big.
You know me, I’m like “reconcile ALL the things!” So I’m glad you’re at least having compassion for her. If Bob, whom you highly esteem, has decided to reconcile with S when she hurt him so much more, then there’s hope. I know many will disagree, but I don’t think your friendship was false. It sounds like she did care for you, at least at one time, but made some very selfish, and ultimately hateful, decisions. That’s not to say I would ever trust her around your husband, but at least you can forgive her and move on without carrying hate for her and for all of your shared memories.