I slept at Rizzo’s last night and I’m sleepy. I missed M and my house. I normally don’t.
Our church had a showing of Mother’s Night Out and our whole family went to see it. Well M and I did. The boy played with a pal and the girls were in childcare.
The couples were so cute in the movie. I used to identify with love and movies and think M and I’s love was better, but I understood it. Now I look at Rom Com’s and think I remember when I used to feel that way about my husband.
Not so much anymore, or ever.
We talked alot yesterday about how he is a shared husband and to me he will always be that. The husband who I had to share on his own accord of course. And it disgusts me. I don’t want to be with a husband like that. I don’t want to share, I know I didn’t have any choice in the matter, but I don’t.
And I think it’s very selfish of M to say we can make it through this. Because when he says we, I really feel he’s meaning me. Because in reality M doesn’t have a problem anymore right? He’s repentant, sorry, remorseful, doing all the right things now. Who has the problem being in the relationship? me. Who has a problem being married to a reformed whore? Me. Who has the problem with continuing on this marriage? Yup still Me.
I am on my way home and packing up my things. I was thinking I’ll make a big breakfast for the kids now I’m not so sure. I am super tired.
I wake up wondering what the Lord has for me today because I was up WAY too late in a couple of chat rooms and nothing came from it. I just wanted to visit with someone.
I wish I knew how I felt about M going home. I’m not excited to see him or the kids.. I’m just sleepy..