My FIL suggested I not cash out my IRA.
So that plan is not in place anymore. My FIL is smart and wants the best for me too.
It’s funny he comes from the place of M is weak in the flesh and what did M’s AP do to lure him.
Ahhh.. the naivety of that statement. This is also the same man who told me “How could I not have known she was my best friend”..
My FIL is a great guy, smart, hilarious, but this topic is where I am noticing he fails with reasoning. I am thankful I can kind of get him out of his range of thinking.
For example I have a hard time with M wanting encouragement and me appreciating his efforts.
Why? Because when I crunch the numbers of what a liar my husband can be 5 months compared to 27 months just doesn’t cut it for me. Although like Isle has mentioned and others how long is long enough to where a person can be redeemed for being disgusting?
I’m not sure. I’m new at this and maybe it should be enough not for me. So my FIL tells me that most men would falter when approached and I get that logic fine, but then do I want to be married to that guy.. yeah no.. check please..
I told my FIL if I was abusing my children for years and stopped for 5 months would that be reason to completely trust me with my children. No, it wouldn’t. I would still be watched, questioned, probably the rest of my life. I don’t want to live like that, be married to someone like that. Then my FIL proceeds to say well children are helpless it’s different and I say how? You are claiming M was helpless against her efforts, M is so detestably (my own adj. there) succumbs to his flesh so quickly and without thought so how is that any different?
My FIL gave me credit for being a quick thinker.
Also he wanted to know her story, because if that would matter. I mean there is a reason lawyers tend to want credible witnesses right? Yeah M and M’s AP? Uhh.. I’m pretty sure wouldn’t make the cut at least for me any way. There’s no way I would trust either of them to uphold anything worth saving. My FIL smiled I think because I’m super smart and I’m not big on taking chances. neither is my FIL.
Was there a big judgement there. You bet.
But that’s where I am.
I am going to make my babies crepes this morning and get a few chores done before we head over to Rizzo’s today.
The job market seems okay for an out-of-work Mom of four who used to be an Avionics/Communication Technician.
The problems is where the jobs are and how to take care of our babies, but like I told my FIL I cannot trust M to take care of me and our children. Maybe he’s learned his lesson. I know God wants me to believe him (he’s told me seriously I do hear from our father), but I just can’t seem to wrap my head around loving M again. Believing he will do right by our kids, our family, our marriage.
I mean fine screw the marriage, yeah I’m not a perfect woman, or spouse, but dammit these kids believed in him to love them and think of them too. He didn’t, he didn’t think of anyone but himself. Now they are suffering because of his stupid choices and when I leave him I know they will suffer more. I hope not, but I’d rather place my apples in the bins of my kids will suffer and how can I minimize the damage. They want their Dad, gosh I want their Dad not the man now, but the man I married who worked hard for what he wanted.
Not worked hard to lie, hide, and use others.
Do I want to work, put my kids in public school, Squish in daycare and do the single gal bit, Fuck no let’s be honest.
But I will, I’m a hard worker and our kids can rely on me to look after them, not betray or pretend that I’m a person I am not to them.
Funny as I type that I wonder if I’m being a hypocrite.
Because I am not putting our kids first getting a job and putting them in school and daycare. My kids do not want that, well 2 of them want to go to school, but they may change their mind and they wouldn’t have a choice.
My kids want their parents together. They want this house, this city, this family.
God wants us together.
M wants us together.
I just can’t seem to get on the band wagon and want anything from a relationship with M. I look at our history and say besides the kids, he wasn’t that fun to be married to, but I loved him. Now my love for him is gone and I’m not a fan of my husband. I see him changing, I see him doing things I never thought he would, but doesn’t change my heart towards him. I still see him as a questionable person. Yes, we all are questionable however he proved what he can do, the lengths he will go to for attention and a quick fuck. I mean if he was getting something out of his affair that I could understand, money, a better lover, being saved from a terrible situation then I would say well that makes sense. But it doesn’t he chose trash over treasure (I’m not talking about his AP I’m talking about attention, quick fucks, excitement, danger, stress, lying). Everything about his affair screams wrong from the get-go, but he didn’t see that, I don’t know how he couldn’t but whatever.
I’m supposed to be looking towards the future right? Putting the past behind me?
I do love him, it’s just a different kind of love and I don’t like it, I’m not comfortable with it and I want the other type of love back in regards to being his wife.
But it won’t come back because everything is so different now. At least that’s how I see things.
Wish me the best in job hunting!