Expectations after infidelity and This is Where I leave you (the movie) and a wedding I will never make :(

M has expectations I have decided I don’t.

But as I told him that I think that I do in a way.

I expect him not to be a lying, cheating, asshole of a person.

Which is the reason I took this blow so hard.

I believed my husband wasn’t that guy, and if he decided to fuck another broad he would let me know and I would kindly bow out.

I’m not one to stand in front of another’s dreams.

But alas here I am.

So with that I will tell you I am doing somewhat well.

I wanted to go see the Jason Bateman film of This is Where I leave you last minute decision I asked if M wanted to go. He did. I thought it was a comedy.

It started off with his wife fucking his boss for a year.

Another blow was when some chic in the movie blamed him saying how could you not know your spouse was sleeping with someone else for a year..

Fuck that chick

Anyways the movie didn’t send me over the edge.

What did was remembering where I should be sans D-day. Right now I would have been relaxing after my best-bud since jr. high school rehearsal dinner. I was supposed to be in her wedding. I was supposed to be in love with my husband. I was supposed to be in Seattle.

I couldn’t be in the wedding. She hoped I would come anyway. If I did I would drive from KS to WA and I probably would never come back here. I’m not going to make it. And I’m trying hard to accept it.

Like in my book “Is that me Yelling?” it says on page 101 “Important part of becoming aware of yourself including your pain. You don’t exaggerate or dismiss your suffering. You contine ot accept what is true without getting swept away by emotions”.

I really did love M and sometimes it hurts knowing what people automatically assume when I tell them or they ask me did he cheat on you.

Because I loved him so much I don’t give a fuck what anyone or M thinks. I did I worked hard to be married to M and he just pissed it all away.

I am trying to let that go.

Let go of the pain that I loved him so.

Because he really isn’t anything else to me besides my husband, children’s father.

I am working on my view of him not being the worst man in my life, or the love of my life.

He just is here to me.

I try not to make him a focus, because I need to be. What am I thinking and where is it getting me.

Well that’s it for now.

Getting plans ready for a Jockey party I am throwing on Sat. morning.. Hosting isn’t easy for me. Sometimes I get too caught up in the details rather than hospitality. 😦


9 thoughts on “Expectations after infidelity and This is Where I leave you (the movie) and a wedding I will never make :(

    • OMG, me too! He’s tired of being called an asshole ALL of l the time, and i’m like, “BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE!!”

      Stop being one, and I’ll stop calling you one! So simple 🙂

  1. I completely understand. Even yesterday, less than 3 weeks from the first anniversary of D Day, I was driving home and there was something playing on the radio that brought me right back to that day And once again I almost had to pinch myself to remind myself that my husband did indeed fuck the pit faced whore. MY HUSBAND!!! Really???? Even now I still find it so hard to believe yet know it’s absolutely true. #foreverheartbroken

  2. My exMIL used to say all the time that ‘you can be right or you can be happy’. I still hate hearing it in my head. You see, for me (and my exH – the faithful one who was just a jerk), my need to be right at all costs robbed me of a lot of happiness – esecy when what I want to be right about is really the right thing. You see, my H shouldn’t have cheated. My expectation that he would be honest and faithful were absolutely the right expectations. His choice to lie to my face and screw 5 other women just for fun was absolutely the wrong choice. My expectation that OW2 was my friend and had my back and could be trusted was absolutely the right expectation. Her choice to use my words to drive my H away from me and toward her, to play at friendship, to sleep with my H repeatedly was absolutely the wrong choice. And I spent the better part of the last two years with bitterness and anger in my soul. I was right and they were wrong (especially her, that has been harder to get through). But, I don’t like me as a bitter human. I like to be happy. I didn’t let my H off and just forget about everything in order to do it. In fact, quite the opposite. I sat him down night after night and week after week and made him talk about the things that made him hang his head in shame. Made him search for how he could make that choice. And, we have done a lot of work to help create boundaries to protect our marriage and tear down walls between us. But, in the end, I had to make the choice to be happy and to give up being right. I wasn’t ready to do that for a long time. Give yourself the time you need to work through this.

  3. Hollywood pretty much always shows infidelity the wrong way. It’s sick. Then again, showing two spouses broken by an affair and walking the long hard road to recovery doesn’t sell as many movies.

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