So we are sitting at the table and just discussing smoking. Because I’m just writing things down for our budget and looking over receipts. And I talk with him about why is he changing brands? Because his favorite brand usually is Ultra lights.
But there was 1.00 off of the Black Marlboro
So he’s been buying those instead. I asked does he like them better? Do they have more tar in them? He said they are okay and yes. So then I said well do you think they are giving you a 1.oo off of them because they like you?
We both laughed and had a good time. Because I definitely thought it’s about time M stopped smoking. It’s such a ridiculous habit, like an affair. Plain stupid. While we were separated I guess he bought a vapor cigarette. Once again what an icky way to spend money, but whatever.
So I think I asked him about it because he never told me he got it.. which leads to.. hiding.. again. ugh I’m going to refrain from cursing.. wait.. fuck that no I’m not.. what I really want to say is that MOTHER FUCKER!!..
Anyways so he tells me he got 1/2 of it and is waiting for the other half. So then I ask when did you get the other 1/2? Uhh.. last Tuesday and I’m like why didn’t you tell me? I knew you would want to sell it.
So then I’m like so you hid it?
You walked from that mailbox on your evening coming home and walked in our house knowing you were going to hide it..
I so wanted to say it, but didn’t.. but OMGoodness guys I so wanted to scream MOTHERFUCKER I TOLD YOU!!…
I knew you hadn’t changed that much! You just proved me right and dance all over my house!! Do a jig or something..
But I really didn’t feel like dancing.
I didn’t feel like throwing him out either.
I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t.
I know I did ask him has he hid crap from me our whole marriage or this all started meeting whatever her face is.
He claimed the hiding all started with the secret crap and now here we are again..
I’m going to take a shower and leave.
I cannot sleep here..
I have a meeting with Rizzo tomorrow morning and I am going to see where this is going to take me..
Honestly guys I really think the past two days God has been telling me it’s okay to leave him and I thought well that surely cannot be God things seem to be going pretty well with us.. nope fuck!! God is always right! He wins everytime hands down..
Frenchie was talking with me today.. She is moving and I’m not all that sad. I’m so excited for what her and her family can do for another community and she’s only an hour away. But she talked to me about closing this chapter in my life. The affair chapter and I was starting to think that made sense in my life right now. My Beginner Bible Bowl Class is doing well, we are having a great time, so is my small group high school girls and I’m coming up with things to do with the kids more. I played dolls today. I really hate dolls and was planning on subscribing to learningtree so the boy and I can start making mobile apps.
I even made tomorrow’s dinner yesterday. Lasagna in the refrigerator. My fashion party was a hit! I enjoyed every minute!
And then this..
Now I’m pretty sure there is somewhere out there that is saying.. NH really over a vapor you are freaking out he hid a vapor?
Well.. considering that is a HUGE problem for M.. Deception..
Apparently he just thinks this is a one time deal he can learn.. I’m telling you.. Jesus is going to surprise me with this one because now I’m at the point where I feel M is a child.. yeah seriously.. child..
And it’s a terrible feeling not only to have your husband be an adulterer, but continue to think he’s doing well in his recovery from being a reformed liar and cheat..
UGH.. I really feel like a two-year old and scream it’s NOT FAIR.. good grief..
I mean really? Do I need to say treat him like our son and list out everything for him?? I don’t think I should nope not one bit..
Rizzo appointed a 48 cool off period.. So glad he goes to work on Tuesday..
It’s so disgusting he reminds me of his liar friend (she was no friend of mine) makes me want to puke. But when assholes know they’ve fucked up against someone they love their immediate response is to shut down and put a wall up.
Yeah his liar friend can switch the tears on and off. She can also know when you fucking don’t care about her and just act like a cold-hearted ice queen when it suits her. I never should ask them how they could do what they do.. You know why because the both of them seem to be cut from the same cloth. Psycho hurt people who bring pain on others and their families and then claim the I’m so unloved card and I have problems..
Fucking psycho’s I have to deal with this year and 2 years before this..
I’m glad I missed their crazy train..
No I’m not dismissing that I’m not on a specific crazy train I’m just not on theirs 🙂
So here’s to getting the fuck out of here tonight.. or not.. I’m pretty tired maybe I’ll just sleep downstairs in my Dad’s bed, or the couch..
I cannot get out of here fast enough that’s for dam sure..
I would love to cry, but I just don’t care much for anything right now..
M proved me right.
He proved himself wrong..
Maybe he will never change his spots..
Maybe we are not meant to be together and I’m okay with that too..
Maybe all the pain and the make-up stuff was for a glorious reason just for me to let go of the anger and close this chapter..
I super hate M’s blue eyes when he says he can learn.. Mothefucker let me tell you.. I am not the teacher!! I refuse to be!..
Well here’s to the day everyone.. I ate the rest of the bag of Groove Cheez-It things and I’m about to pass out..