As I am making progress I read this.. wasn’t too bad..

But why do so many assume if someone hates their husband they may not have a very good reason. That the wife may have  great reason perhaps and go with a bit of sympathy before they put their two cents in..


3 thoughts on “As I am making progress I read this.. wasn’t too bad..

  1. OMG!!! THIS is why I can’t stand these self congratulatory church types! What a total wanker! What is this a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband crap??? It’s a two way street, MUTUAL love and respect. There is no “boss” in a marriage, it is a partnership. Don’t even read this sanctimonious crap, NH! It just makes you angry. Dickwad.

    I am not a Christian, but I did grow up in a family that did the church-Sunday School thing when we were little, I went to a couple of Christian camps in primary school. My dad was brought up in an old-fashioned type of environment where church was kind of expected, and faith for him was linked to fear as he grew up, fear of doing the wrong thing and not getting into heaven, he changed that faith to a more 60s-70s slightly hippy dippy, kinder way, and my mum just “went along with it” as she said, she couldn’t see any harm in learning some values, etc. I never knew she wasn’t into it until years later when we discussed it. We stopped going by the time I was in middle school-ish, we weren’t regular anyway. So I don’t pretend to be any expert, but do have a brief amount of exposure and knowledge of the Christian faith. But you’d be better off reading people like Leslie Vernick, who love God and still empower women. This is utter crap! You are angry, and you are righteously angry, and telling you that you are not allowed to be angry, just makes you angrier! You are a loving, caring, hurting woman. A human being with values, morals and a heart! And it is broken, because you FEEL – like human beings do. Yes, you have to find a way to move forward without so much anger, to come to terms with what life (or rather, your husband and your “best friend”) dealt you. That is a long process, and you do have to pass through all the stages of grief. It takes a long time and a hell of a lot of mindfulness to negotiate this journey. Some sanctimonious part-time preacher telling you to stop “hating your husband” – that is just ridiculous and bloody harmful!

    • I don’t mean to shock you, but I disagree.

      Go back, re-read the article, and you’ll see that nowhere does he say you can’t be angry. In fact, he says strife is a normal part of marriage, but that you shouldn’t let it get to the level of hatred. You say love is a two-way street, well the author agrees with you: “God wants your husband to be head-over-heels in love with you, to go out of his way to demonstrate that love to you, and for you to love your husband in return.” I don’t think I could be head over heals in love with my wife if I didn’t respect her as well.

      I don’t agree with everything he says, but I do agree that hating one’s husband is a bad thing and a sinful thing. I would argue that “don’t hate” or “stop hating” your husband is a necessary step in truly healing the marriage, as opposed to merely remaining in a state of marriage.

      • My point, Anonyman, is that the tone is a turn off. If you write as though women are second class citizens, underlings in a marriage, and how they will unfurl like a delicate flower (because we are that shallow) with a little appeasement, then you are coming at women from the wrong direction. We are strong, sensible, and equal partners. I agree. Hatred is a terrible thing. But you can’t rush a process. You work through the stages of grief and hope to be able to not hate. I never hated mine. I detested what he did. But him, him I loved. He was immediately contrite and gutted. He has worked extremely hard to expunge his dangerous actions. But that is impossible. I just can’t stomach people who write about women in such a patronising manner.

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