So I put an ad on Craigslist, M’s reaction, and Love Dare

Yeah I did. I didn’t know that so many people are on there. Anyways tons of guys replied. One it was fun seeing who all of these people were and who were happy to give me photos of themselves. But it was also sad so many lonely men out there.

I stated I was a cheated on spouse looking for a connection. And then the floodgates came a running. I stated I was in no way going to be a OW so that wasn’t happening.

A BS tried to talk me into communicating with him but I told him if his wife didn’t know I’m not the one for you.

And that was the end of that.

There are a couple guys I’m talking to, nothing gross.. One dude did send me 2 pictures of his member. I didn’t expect that.

Anyways M knows. I told him. He said do what I want to do, but he doesn’t want to know about it.

I tried to talk with him about how I was wondering why I am willing to communicate with random guys than him.

He was upset. I was not happy to see him when him and boy got back from camp. I had lunch ready and the house wasn’t in terrible shape. But no I was not excited to see him and then the CL thing.

I was telling him how even if these guys are just trying to have video, actual host sex whatever at least they were communicating about me. About who I am what I am doing.

Maybe I’m a complete jerk, or a whine bag but talking with other men gets me to see what I’m lacking with M. I just know it’s completely different and I’m not romantically involved with M.

I gave M some comparisons to what’s going on in CL world with me and what isn’t going on with M.

He got angry and said I don’t want to hear about it.

He says I am just trying to make him jealous or make him mad?

I told him how self-absorbed he’s making this conversation about him. and no why would I feel the need to make him jealous in the first place.

I did tell him these guys don’t think I am a monster. They don’t think negatively about me first. Yes, I know CL world is not real, but shouldn’t your spouse at least give you the benefit of the doubt about anything? M has been for years so critical, so harsh with me and my ideas that he doesn’t see where I’m coming from.

Like CL for example.

He’s upset. Yes, I knew he wouldn’t be all great honey glad you are finding guys to talk with. However does he dare to stare this problem in the face and say I can see why she would be doing this. Or what am I doing wrong that my wife would rather talk with strangers online than with me?

Yeah nope. but I was questioning that. One of the guys asked me what did I miss most.

I said I missed seeing my guy and that I couldn’t smile any bigger. How my heart used to skip to be near him, and the hugs that could never be tight enough.

I don’t think I’ve ever took what I missed the most and wrote it down to verbalize it.

M chose to sleep downstairs and this time I didn’t go after him and beg him to come to bed with me. I no longer need attention from M. I have had to disengage (thanks IHAA for the word) with M to talk with him rationally without blowing a fuse and throwing everything around.

Books I think said it best. “I think M still thinks that your relationship is broken and needs to be fixed. But he’s not grieved yet the relationship he killed off. He hasn’t gotten to that point yet.”

I think M and I have alot of growing up to do, but I wonder if we will make it. We are so different. I don’t see us balancing each other out anymore. I don’t see him making up for what I lack, or holding me up, or helping me become the woman I need to be.

I tried to do that for him, it didn’t work out in my favor. He didn’t receive it well and I didn’t understand. I don’t want to hold him up or help him become the man I need or the man he wants to be. Rizzo thinks I will get there.

I do feel sorry for him though. I feel sorry that he didn’t get how much I affect him.

I cleaned up the music room that I hate and I was in there for more than 20min. just cleaning off his desk. I disengaged. I got angry at many things in there, but could stop myself and say NH he’s just a man. Yes we are disgusted with him being okay as a fraud, but we don’t need to call him names. We are doing a nice thing for your children’s father, your husband. That is all no name-calling (ok alittle bit). He can play his music down here and cool off from life.

He played music down there for a bit. I asked him about it and he said it wasn’t that fun.

I do feel sorry for him. His sadness is huge.

I wonder if I’m supposed to help him through his sadness. I do plan on continuing the Love Dare all the way through even if I cannot do the day well. I guess I will do it until I figure this love thing out with M, myself, or anyone.

In the Love Dare day 11 it talks about how your spouse is an extension of you and M didn’t believe that, or know it. I wonder if he knows it now.

Well time to do my Muffin top workout.

Here’s to the day..

 

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22 thoughts on “So I put an ad on Craigslist, M’s reaction, and Love Dare

  1. NH I have to say I don’t think that path will help you. They may not be married (of course they wouldn’t tell you, would they?) but you are. I get that M is not stepping up. He should. But it won’t help to sink to the level of cheaters.

    I really don’t care that cheaters call me names and make a lot of vitriolic accusations about me (ironic, much?) because sticks and stones… But if I couldn’t hold my head up and know I never sank to their level, that would crush me in the end.

    I get that it’s a nice reassurance and ego boost, but remember that’s what the affair was too. You’re better than this. Don’t let the cheating drag *your* standards down.

  2. Nephila is right NH. Don’t stoop. It may be innocent now but I know how fast that can change (remember mine started by email contact) . Believe me when I say you are playing with a fire that has the potential to make you hate yourself so much more than how much you hate M right now, along with a myriad of other horrible things. xx

  3. Craigslist? Seriously? This is not you. I get that you want revenge, but this will end up hurting you more than you know. Why tell M? I feel you are trying to hurt him, or at least make him realise how much he hurt you. You are better than this. SWxo

    • I’m not against her hurting him to make him see how much he’s hurt her. But in the long run this won’t do that either. It will only let him off the hook if you stoop to his level. It almost guarantees he will never get it. And it costs you your moral high ground which you paid dearly for in betrayal. Never give that up. You’re the good guy. So always be the good guy. Hurt him by all means, but this won’t really do that.

      The thing that will hurt Paul most is being judged by his children. And he is already man enough to say he wants to tell them when they are old enough, to minimise he chance they fall into traps because of him (adopting traits he’s trying to drop, picking partners with those traits). I’ll wager that seeing your dignified reserve will ram it home to M better than some sordid CL ever would.

      • I don’t really care how he sees me. I don’t really see him anymore anyway in the sense of my husband whose opinion matters. I mean that is the point I don’t know anyone of you personally, but I adore each one of you way more than my own husband. But then again all of you can give me the benefit of the doubt. Read this, see my pain, give some great advice. What does M do? I don’t want to talk about it, do it in secret.. 😦

      • NH, Revenge is not the way to go and not you. Hurting someone because they hurt you is not a thing to agree with in any way.

    • No not trying to hurt M. I mean I guess I’m not trying to hurt M either. That is what he thinks Shattered talk about cray cray. As if he’s thought about in my brain in that sense.
      He will get how he hurt me in his own time. I don’t even think it’s the hurt it’s what he lost in us. How he didn’t think doing this to me would wreck his whole world too. but he doesn’t get it. I wonder if he ever will.That is such a kicker for me.
      As for better I’m not sure. I am having a bit of fun, but I know what you are getting at.
      Love you SW XO

  4. Be very careful friend. I understand the desire to have that aspect of your marriage back and missing it. It won’t be found with other strangers who are men. Do you have girlfriends you can pour your heart out to? Is Rizzo a counselor? Can you go more often? If you truly feel that you should stay in this marriage just be careful not to damage it more – although i KNOW how tempting it is to do that!! — You know what I love about you? You are so stinkin honest. You did this b/c you wanted to know, you shared, and I don’t want you to think I’m coming down on you. I love your honesty through the pain, b/c many many others have felt this exact same way. – Guard your heart, there are many other jerks out there beside M. This I will say, he hurt you – but he’s not the only asshole on the planet… I don’t want you to find another one.

    • Nope didn’t think you were coming down on me at all. I get Neph, SW’s, and your comments and I appreciate them. We have such a wide variation of personalities and traits here. Thank you for your kind words and for reminding me to guard my heart. ❤

    • There’s also a lot of otherwise good guys who in the process of trying to help NH could find themselves falling in love with her and vice versa. That’s the real danger here, IMHO. It’s easy to spot the assholes and players, but the guy with good intentions who falls to temptation will sneak up on you if you don’t guard your heart (and your marriage)

  5. Ah NH… even if you don’t realize it, I suspect you probably did the whole CL thing just to piss your husband off. And I get that!! I really do. We all have some really great reasons to want to piss our husband’s off but if we’re being honest what we’d probably prefer to do is break their hearts just like they broke ours! Or is that just me?? LOL!!

    Like the others said, don’t stoop to his level, don’t give up your moral ground, you are so much better than he, they, will ever be, because you have morals and you have a sense of what is right and what is wrong. You know that most, if not all, of those men on CL are probably married. Don’t go there, just don’t!!

    If your marriage is over and you are officially done then that’s a different story… but even then stay off of CL…!! Until that time, you need to focus on you, your kids and your marriage… if that’s what you want xx

  6. If I had taken my son away for a weekend and came back to find my wife had been seeking the company of men on Craigslist, I would be incredibly hurt. I would feel betrayed, disrespected, exposed, and did I mention betrayed? I don’t care what you are getting out of it, if my wife did that and refused to stop immediately, I would leave until she did. It’s that serious to me and probably to your husband as well.

  7. You very well could become the woman you hate…your ex best friend talking to a married man…whose adoring wife believes he would never do such a thing.
    I appreciate that you wrote this and put it out there so people can help you…you are really hurting yourself and other women as well…maintain your dignity…don’t lose who you are in the mess your husband has created.

  8. Stop it, right now. Your impulsive and maybe even tempestuous but your also smart. You know playing on CL is a dangerous thing to do. Most of those men probably aren’t real and the ones who are don’t give a rats ass about you, your family, your problems or your joys. None of what any of them said to you has any meaning or altruistic intent. It’s dangerous. It’s self destructive and it could be potentially destructive period. CL security isn’t that tight. Hell NH, I can crack an ip off that site and track it to a physical location in a matter of a few hours. Your better than that. Have you divorced M? Are the papers signed, sealed and delivered? If not don’t lower yourself to his level. You lose any moral high ground playing that game. You become a hypocrite. Remember, emotional or mental infidelity is still infidelity. Do you really want him to be able to throw that at you sometime too, or to have him be able to tell people your messing with strangers on FB? Your trying to make him feel it, what he made you feel. You want him scared and on edge about someone taking you or your attention away from him. You want him to see other men are interested and value you more than he did. I feel it too. Thing is hon, were better than that. Your better than that. I wanna throw a slipper at you right now. Please….hear me. I’m a techie, CL is a bad, bad, place to play. It’s dangerous.

    Stop. It.

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