Now if someone types in how to not hate your husband. This blog is on the first page.
And I feel I am misleading people.
Women who maybe coming here for hope.
I thought my projects and experiments would help me not hate him and I wouldn’t be so broken as I am now.
Good grief typing that I feel like a drama queen.
Anyways as I continue on my Google scale.
I am going to have to revamp the blog so when a woman finds me on Google thinking I will be helping her not to hate her husband. I will let her down gently..
That I still hate mine to a point.
After 6 months the hate is slipping and I can say I love him.
Not like a wife loves her husband but that love I have for any human on Earth.
For 13 years I adored my husband. I still hugged him with a strength that I never wanted to let go. I still think of letting him go.
The bad days still out weigh the good.
I hugged Books last Sunday when she said happy belated birthday! And I hugged her and one of my feet went up in the air behind me. I was so happy to hug her.
I don’t do that with M. I’m glad I can do that for others.
M wrote me a card on my birthday saying he hopes I find the love I deserve.
I hope so too.
I love this song.. it makes me sad and hopeful all at the same time.. because I’m strong enough, God will bless me and loves me that I can have a love like this again. Where I’m still into that person after years that I can’t count on my fingers.
I don’t think marrying M was a waste of time or life on my part. I wish my husband the man who was supposed to protect my heart, our family didn’t break my heart, or turn his back on our family..
And some say well he took care of you and the kids, he was kind, and pretended he was the family man faithful, strong, protector.
So he gets credit for pretending? He says he wasn’t.. I don’t believe him.
So to the woman who finds this site and can clearly see I’m not in any shape to help anyone..
Hopefully your husband is a bad communicator, doesn’t dance with you, doesn’t appreciate you, hopefully he just is in a rut and is committed to you, doesn’t lie to you, your family, himself..
and hopefully by reading my story you find that your husband isn’t so bad at all..
and you find the love you had for him again.
I’m not sure I will find that love for my husband again, but I know I will either with him or without him.
That gives me hope, and faith this hasn’t completely broken me.
And faker if you ever read this I hope you are still suffering and Bob finds love without you because you are so disgusting and twisted it isn’t even funny.. What a sicko I had for good friend, and then I question myself how could I love a woman like her.. and it’s because I am awesome.
My love is amazing.. I care deeply and passionately..
Okay so maybe I’m not the most compassionate person still and want others to suffer.. but at least my self-esteem is in tact..
So I’m growing I suppose 🙂