Fishing for more information

I know it’s a big NO NO in affair recovery..

But I did it and failed miserably..

A pal of mine was IM’ing me to see things a bit clearly that it wasn’t healthy or edifying to do what I was doing..

I didn’t care..

All I came up with was a picture of her and her husband. The night of the drunken incident. Seeing her makes my skin crawl.. I was nervous she would be at the tea. She wasn’t..

Fuck the fact that she was banging my husband. Just looking at her makes me want to harm her. I in fact hate her which in term makes me hate M just as much.

I don’t fault one or the other more. Actually I do fault her more in the sense of she’ll pretend to be your friend and screw someone’s husband. I mean what a sicko..

Unnecessary evil, but whatever. I can’t keep people from banging their private parts together if I could I would be using my powers for good instead of trying to resurrect their IM’ing conversations off of Apple products.

I suppose I want to read the dark side of M. I want to read what he says to her in the thick of it. I want to read about how he’s excited to get me out of our home to screw her. I want to see him beg her back after she ended it with him. And I want to see her beg for him back.

Because they both are liars about that time in their lives. Funny how an affair can suddenly make someone have early onset systems of dementia. Seriously how does that happen you are texting someone all of the time, screwing them whenever you can and when you are caught.. Uhh.. I don’t remember timelines are fuzzy..

Oh one of the most exciting times in your life and you don’t remember everything how convenient..

And sure NH could be stupid enough to say “Psshhh in the past let’s move on” Fuck that bullshit how do people in affairs stomach the stupid shit they say when they are in reconciliation? I really should wear the puking green emoticon on my neck and hold it up at the ready..

I remember faker emailing me that sorry doesn’t even hold weight. Nope it sure doesn’t stupid faker.

Gosh I am so thankful for at least to still be alive and have others want to still love me because sleeping with and being besties with those kind of sick people could have really fucked me up.. Yes I know I’m not too far from going down to the crazy zone.. but seriously bad company corrupts good character…

The both of them terrible company.. green emoticon UP!

Sure is hating on your husband good character? No I will admit that. But it is what it is.. I loved a husband and woman with disgusting character and I get to pick myself up from the fake life I led for so long.

So while I’m picking myself up

I couldn’t find anything that related to the affair if I really wanted to I would and I think I will. I want to see the messages that ruined my fairytale marriage and by fairtale I mean that husband and wife protect each other throughout their whole entire marriage and don’t just leave the other one behind.

How did my husband lose his honor, his integrity, all for some Xanax taking faker who can’t deal with life. And look who she lost hers for it’s such a pity..

But even better question because the two people I mention above.. Not anyone I want to associate with now or ever.

M claims he’s changed. Yeah so have I.

I don’t think he likes the changed me though. Funny didn’t seem to like me all that much to be okay sleeping around on me for years with a bitch he protected to be my friend. I mean can the resentful, hateful wife he has come to claim he loves now be any worse than the woman he was married to that made him feel unloved for all of what between 7-10 days?

 

A year and 1/2 into his affair he is shopping for a replacement ring for me. A ring I am talking to faker about..

Ugh..

It’s times like these where I just want to throw in the towel. This stupid love thing between him and I what a joke. I mean did you see the SOA episode where Trig and his lover are professing their love to each other. I mean Trig is all “You know so much of what I’ve done and still love me anyway”. I was listening to this as I was bedazzling boots for my girls and thought I don’t have that with M.

M wants that.

During this whole episode of me believing he was working on our marriage that he was a kind, honest, gentle husband I forgave M. I asked him to forgive me. Because the drunken incident came and I was done with his ass. I asked for forgiveness for me being disloyal, for turning my back on him and Rizzo came to the rescue and I stayed and I worked.

I am in this position again I am staying so far.

I know my husband can turn on me quite quickly. I know he can use a person for years under the disguise of love.

He used the faker, and he used me.

Funny though I still miss faker a bit. I suppose it isn’t funny at all. And I wonder how can I miss her and still want her to suffer a loneliness so deep she doesn’t want to wake up in the morning..

Well if you guessed tonight’s a bad night..

 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Fishing for more information

  1. Definitely sounds like a shit night. Thinking of you and your mighty heart. PS How is it that Bob forgave his skanky wife? Men often find it much harder to get past a sexual affair because the image of some other guy shooting sperm into his wife is too much to bear. I’m hoping he one day discovers he deserved better…. SWxo

    • Yeah I mean seriously acting like a tramp like that on the sides of roads is pretty hard to beat, and acting like a best friend, faithful wife. Upstanding woman.. I mean she sank pretty low..
      I know most women wouldn’t pull the crap she does because she is raising kids I mean who wants to be the whore like that. I mean I get where some chicks get treated nice, and get gifts and tons of affection, trips, hotel rooms.. but not her it’s side of the road action, parking lots and in her own bed and in mine…The only hotel room action they got was one her husband paid for so she could see their granddaughter for the last time. so yeah I hope Bob is okay. The faker well we all know how I feel about her..

  2. Who made up that rule for betrayed spouses? That it isn’t healthy?

    Cheating isn’t healthy; that’s what. They broke the “being healthy” mold. They have to live with the consequences of that too, even if that means they fucked up a bunch of lives and now find themselves feeling guilty. GOOD. And good luck putting the pieces back together – that’s ALL on them.

    So what if you need to know more? So what if you suspect they’re cheating or planning to every time they’re not fully in your presence. They did that. That’s part of the process of staying with them, at that moment… trust is broken everywhere, even in ourselves. Even if we’re trying to trust you with genuine effort, we still don’t 100% trust ourselves to believe what we do. Whether they actually mean it when they profess love and devotion… whether we actually love them back in any way… whether we wonder if we’re not trying enough or trying too hard. They broke that inner sense of stability. Deal with it, Wayward Spouses Cheating Bastards.

  3. I agree with insistonhonesty. He broke the trust and now you’re trying to see who he was, how he conducted himself when you weren’t looking. It’s natural and protective part of the process of dealing with the fallout of their behavior. You need to know who he is/was to figure out what you want and will do, forgiveness isn’t even on the horizon as you’re still dealing with the fallout. But you can’t really make decisions with limited information. Although, stonewalling speaks volumes about who he still is now.
    Wishing you some peace.

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