Cried hard again last night. I was so angry at him. All his persistence, his I don’t have to live in the past nonsense.
Someone else told me am I going to continue to harbor the past against him.
I can forgive him for sleeping around on me, I get wanting to sleep with someone else. If I was sick in the head like M I could have and passed up chances. Why? because doing wrong bothers me whether people know about it or not.
I can forgive him enough to see him as a man who has many more positives than negatives about him. I can see his talents, how he can and will continue to serve others.
But I can’t forgive the lying and telling me what he believed and they were not true. In his eyes he meant them, but his actions proved otherwise. And I bought his fakery, because I loved him.
I don’t care how much in his heart he meant the words he said, he didn’t follow through with the beliefs he told me and we’re not just talking Jesus.
We are talking about that the family we were building was tough, but worth it. That there is no place else neither of us were meant to be.
But it wasn’t true.
I don’t care how much he says he believes these things before or now.
I just feel I won’t ever forgive him for feeding me bullshit and his turnaround time for recognizing his own bullshit is not good enough for me.
And then there’s faker.. oh goodness how I pray for God to bring justice to that disgusting wretch of a woman and I hope the women friends she finds now are as fake as she is.
Still working on my website and business plan.
Next is finding tools to build my apps.
Diversification in making money from home for sure.
Sometimes I think it would be best to just severe this whole nonsense and just go my own way.
But I know in my heart it isn’t what God wants for me so far.
I think I’ve come along way from wanting to put a hurt on his ass, or looking for someone else to fill the void that is now an empty space called husband in my heart.
I realized it’s been really 8 months if I count April, or 7 months if I count D-Day in May.
I might at well go with 8 months right now. I’m okay thinking in 4 months my husband will be his reformed slut self for a year wow. Must be hard for him being such a gross cheater and then playing dutiful, faithful husband, to poor, broken me.