Learning to believe my husband and being so thankful to God M’s still in my life.
Two things I never thought I would have to question and learning or even wondering how to, or what position I stand in trusting him and loving him confuses me.
I do not want to be confused.
I get frustrated how he used my love to cover up his affair. Kendra the bitch too. She used my friendship and love to cover her tracks.
And just moving on is hard.
It was fucking hard when someone pissed me off before this.
I’m getting tired of not trusting him. It’s starting to become a weight on my shoulders that I don’t want to bear.
I know I say I give two fucks about his character, but we all know I’m lying to myself.. I do, because I don’t want to be drug down with him ever again when he decides to throw his appreciation for me away.
Like I said before I was super protected during their affair that their disgusting selves did not affect me.
Ugh sleeping and befriending snakes in the grass is hard to take, but becoming one would be unbearable.
He says he won’t. He says he knows now and doesn’t ever want that to happen again.
As sucky as this has been, I mean life devastating in every sense besides my death. I wonder what can he do to me next?
I read about a wedding where the bride slept with the groom’ father during the wedding festiivites and it was a secret and the bride didn’t tell the groom and got married anyway..
That is fucked up.. right? What if that was my husband doing that to my son? There are worse scenarios than mine and what M has chosen to do to me and the kids.
Unchartered territory worrying about what carnage will M throw us into next.
I feel it would be completely crazy of me not to prepare, or even think about that rather than live in belief land where my husband won’t hurt me or our children anymore..
But on to bed.. another day to think and process..