Oh the weather outside is frightful and I feel I’m in a fog..

I would have to say the last couple of days have been good.

But now I’m in a strange land.

Not just in a different city right now, but also feeling just low..

and that I wouldn’t mind just breaking things right now.

I feel tension.

I feel change..

Not just the weather but with me.

I’m not insanely in love. I do love M and like I said the days prior were pretty good, but I think sometimes in NH land prior to affair usually in relationships the kind I pursue with people is they get better with time.

Right now that isn’t the case.

The time was good now I think my whole countenance is processing and just being..

being okay with having good days and know not just that bad days are going to come, but that there’s a space between where there isn’t good or bad.. just being..

learning to trust myself and how I feel about the good days with M.

learning to trust God’s provision in everything from the socks I got on sale, to this marriage.

learning to process the good days and assess what is going on between us.

and learning in doing so is okay..

because M is constantly checking on me and I wondered if I was being codependent because I felt bad for him that nothing he did, or his sordid stupid decisions are on my mind.. I’m just not on my A game at best a C and I don’t know why..

Well that’s the day I’m sleepy now.. here’s to tomorrow


3 thoughts on “Oh the weather outside is frightful and I feel I’m in a fog..

  1. This reminded me of a quote by Camus – ‘ it was in the middle of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.’

    • it’s crazy you said that.. KB has that tattoo’d on her arm.. earlier that would have made me Crazy like months ago.. now I can process and say many people have that tattoo’d on them and it does have some merit to it..
      Thanks šŸ™‚

      • I’m sorry. If i had known i would have found a better quote, a much more apt one and told you about it. My best friend went through the same shit that you’re having to deal with, but at a much milder level. I say to you, what i said to her, then : Love is never enough. But you are enough for yourself, always. So leave, what is not yours to carry. It will only tire you.

        Love and Light to you.

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