Unsettled in Alaska

Well the appraiser lied again so we are looking at closing possibly the week after next. 

These are the times where I so want to blame M and that so gets me no where.

He was supposed to handle the bank for the house in AK.

He didn’t so now who is the contact person who is phone calling the bank the Real Estate agent everyday??

Yeah not him..

But it’s so easy for me to get mad at M. It is easy for me to give up on, blame, and just run to people I believe love me beyond reason. 

Because well he’s proved he will backstab me and our family whenever he thinks he’s got everything under control like fucking some SAHM tramp. 

And I will never know.

The hate comes so easily not as loud as before but still there.

And as we are hitting a year after affair I still wonder will I hate him forever? Or do I choose the hate that stays forever? Is that something that I have conjured to use at my own will? Or is it an actual thing that will always be with me? 

As we are in a low budget hotel waiting for our house to close for what maybe another week and a half with money just flying out the window.. Just waiting..

I really need to make more money because waiting on others to get a house is ridiculous.

There has got to be a better way for others to get housing…

Anyways I miss my friends I miss the ladies who will hug me and reassure me and above all laugh with me..

Because there is no one here for me well M told me he’s here to be that for me but meh… 

I wish he understood how I am unsure he could ever be that for me. How I did believe he was that person for me. Now no longer, he is a man I want to raise our kids with.

Not someone I believe is the love of my life and will be there for me when life crashes me into the pavement. Because he seems to forget he is the one that plowed me into the pavement and was like oops.. Sorry.. Sorry you had to be a life lesson for me

Yeah I am not going to lie I cannot stomach him right now. And am jetted back to where I wish he would have left with her.

I wish he would have enjoyed being with a lying trAmp who not only backstabs her family and kids but her friendship too. 

They would have made the worst couple ever and I wish I could have seen it. 

I would have been amused watching two fools believe they are so in love with each other and they are both so stupid and fake they don’t even know their heads are up their asses…

I would have loved to see their stupidness fall apart.

Going to do some soul searching and praying what the fuck am I doing here with him and in AK again???



4 thoughts on “Unsettled in Alaska

  1. Damn, NH. This is not a good way to start again in AK. I HATE when they don’t magically sort shit out now, too. Previously, if there was a screw up with finance, etc, no problem, now, hell, it’s all their fault (of course not, but that is how the simmering anger works, resentment.) I feel for you, but hang tough, this is a minor challenge after all you have faced this past year.

  2. So sorry things are going so badly, when it rains it pours! I hope you get settled in your new house soon & maybe that will help a little, it’s always hard moving to a new place, even worse with all the other shit you’re going through! But you seem to be a strong lady, I have no doubt you will make friends, just hang in there! Sending you a big hug! XO Joan

  3. Oh hugs to you! Your situation sounds so stressful even for a couple who hadn’t experienced an affair. Certainly not fun! I hope you get to enjoy just a little bit of time though.

  4. I honestly wouldn’t make any decisions until you have a place to live. It’s so terribly stressful and disorienting to not even be able to begin settling in – I look back on when my husband and I moved from AK to IL and I really wasn’t myself at ALL. And we were even staying with my mother-in-law!

    So just hang on for now.

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