I told him

I want out 

I don’t want to be with someone who has humiliated me.

I don’t want to be with you.

But can I take the plunge?

Because the children will be affected by my choice as well.

He said “I don’t believe you, you tell me you don’t want a divorce. I think you are just angry”

And I said maybe.

We went to see Living Legends performed by BYU.

It was magnificent.

I miss feeling at home.

Oh I also failed my Alaska general question test again😒

I would like to say it doesn’t matter but I kind of feel stupid every time I go in there. 

As I came out failed test and all I just wanted to be with a friend.

No friends here..

Somedays i cannot believe I left Kansas

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11 thoughts on “I told him

  1. Oh darling girl xx. Damn on the driver’s test. It honestly is the fucking hardest thing ever. Always remember that your kids will be best when their parents are happiest. No matter how that looks. No matter where those parents live

  2. I always remember a comment that Dr. Phil made regarding children: “It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.” Not recommending you go or stay. Completely your choice and you know what is best for you. You have so much on your mind. Why would your brain want to remember some driving test information at this time? Don’t feel humiliated or let anyone else humiliate you about the test results.

  3. Your feelings are true and valid. Don’t let anyone try to talk you out of them. As for the test, I agree with TA – you’ve got a lot on your mind.

  4. I’m sorry – and if it helps, it’s totally not you. That AK driving test is stupid. Who cares if you know the rules of the road? But by golly you ought to know all about the laws and consequences surrounding DUI’s! (Can you tell we have a bit of a problem with DUI’s up there?)

    If you can get out of where you are and into a part of the state where they have a University of Alaska campus (assuming a college degree is something you want / need) I can probably give you step-by-step instructions on how to get your life going. The good (bad?) news is you probably have to wait until fall, which will either let both you and M get used to the idea of you going your separate ways or give you both another chance at reconciliation.

    I’m so sorry for what you’re going through – I remember those days for me and they SUCKED!! There’s nothing to do for it but get through it.

  5. Hugs NH… I’m sorry you are feeling so unsettled and friendless at the moment, it’s not easy uprooting your whole family and moving thousands of miles away from all you know at the best of times, I can only begin to imagine how it feels at the worst of times. Hang in there. Revel in your family and know that at the end of the day, what will be will be. If you are meant to stay together, you will, and if not, then you won’t. Whatever happens, you and your kiddos will be just fine xx

  6. You are not stupid. I feel for you, leaving New Hampshire for Virginia was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Alcoholism and the affair greatly influenced the decision to move move. I miss home so much! I think there are so many of us out here that feel exactly like you do. the kids… So in a sense, it is so unfair how they are affected by the decisions of adults. Good luck as you work through this take care of yourself. The kids will thank you one day for all you’ve done.

  7. I just want to offer support on whatever you decide to do. I know exactly how you feel about breaking up your children’s family. While I haven’t come to the decision to leave, the thought of not living with my daughter breaks my heart. I’ve done alot of reading on the topic and there is overwhelming evidence that children are better off coming from two happy parents, whether they are together or not. That it is more damaging to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. Would you want any of your children to stay in a marriage that they don’t want to be in? No judgement either way. I hope you find a decision and peace soon.

  8. I so remember wanting out! The weight of the shame, the feelings of humiliation, his total lack of discretion, his emotional retardedness, my anger, my pride. We have no children together so it would be a whole lot easier on me to make that decision but I didn’t. Here I am nearly three years post d-day & we are still together. I have to say my husband has kept to his promises and proved by his actions that he is committed to us. I oscillated between staying & going for a long time and even recently challenged my choice. Adultery just doesn’t go away and its stink follows me around but I love my husband and am prepared to be open to hurt again but I could be hurt by anyone. It’s tiring working through all this despair but there is no other choice for the betrayed spouses. The driving license is just an add on here – on a different day and in a different frame of mind you’ll sail through it. Although driving through it would be a better option:-)

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