Waste of time and Charles

So maybe I shouldn’t but went through his old computer he just got it set up.

My laptop was somewhere else..

But anyways

I was looking through pictures and he was SOOOO.. unhappy with me and this life with me..

DIdn’t look so unhappy..

He’s making excuses..

He can’t own up to what a complete utter fool he was.

He traded his character and integrity for trash.. not calling KB trash but for false love, lust.. she ended up throwing him under to the bus to save herself.. if it wasn’t so sad I would laugh..

But it wouldn’t matter what the two of them said the liars they both are.. no one would believe them anyway.. least I don’t..

I don’t remember alot of Bell’s little life because I thought I was saving my marriage. Going to therapy, bible studies with him and all of that.

I kind of missed out on Squish’s life as well after I found out about the affair.

How much time am I going to waste on this guy.. Missing out on the people who matter most.. the small people the people I am in charge of to help them do what is right..

Our family deserved better than to have a Dad who was 1/2 in..

Today I’m not doing so well at figuring out how to have peace with him..

Been quite the last few days because I have been super sick.. good grief was in bed for almost 2 days straight!!

I am stronger than this marriage which is so broken already..

Lately the times between us getting better or choosing the path of going our separate ways comes closer together.

I can say I have been on a roller coaster but one that I don’t mind being on it keeps me sane knowing the bad and the good will come to an eventual stop in understanding what to do with all of this.

I asked him last night about all the letters he keeps from me, the cards.

Why? He said he may need fire kindling. I told him I have enough laundry lint for a full supply 🙂 He was making fun of all the cards I burned of ours.

The conversation turned comical because I said so the past is okay as long as it’s about happy memories? And he said yes that would be good a idea..

And I told him that was nauseating..

and then we both went to bed..

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