Healing, Wounded, Hurt, Overcoming, Growing??? Dammit what am I doing again.

Triggers are maddening for me.

It doesn’t take much and I’m questioning so much with M (I’m calling him that because I feel like it)

and I’m in a spin..

Why M???

Why do you want to be with me when you have been so cruel and ruthless??

How do you even know what you want when you can tell me nothing about what exactly made you fall off the deep end so much to self-protect yourself from what exactly?

You pissed away all that you wanted in the first place. Why not own your bullshit!!

Ugh..

Time for bed another day running around with M tomorrow

Good news passed my general knowledge test!

Yup got me an Alaska license now!!

M took us all out for dinner it was fun..

I couldn’t find my rugs that I thought we brought with us and I was going to be ill..

Not just for the fact that I don’t think we brought them but guess what seemed to make our move.

The dam heating blanket that KB gave me long ago..

FML!!

What the hell is that thing still doing near my presence anything that she has given me has been burned, thrown out, or given away but that dam blanket seems to always find it’s way around.

It’s never on our bed or anything right now it’s in our garage getting tossed around.

It will soon be in the trash..

Anyways..

I miss my friends in Kansas alot today and my rugs..

I miss my old house..

Oh and did I mention M fucking lost my cards from our going away party?? Yeah.. pisses me off so bad..

I hope we find them..

I need to find them..

NH

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2 thoughts on “Healing, Wounded, Hurt, Overcoming, Growing??? Dammit what am I doing again.

  1. Yeah triggers get a little crazy. I used to lose myself in anger and rage whenever I came upon one of mine.

    If your triggers are anything from KB, if I were you I would just go ahead and get everything from her out of your life. Your husband’s understanding (or lack thereof) will be a good measure of how supportive he is of this process.

  2. You are not alone. I miss my old house. The house where we raised 4 kids together. Where she taught her 4 kids to read. Never ever able to go back to the way it was. Still with the one who caused heartbreak. Trying to last until the kids have had the best life possible and not putting them thru a divorce. Not wanting to go forward somedays. Wondering if another person could make me feel like I used to when we had a perfect marriage. Hating the pictures that exist of him — glad to be 800 miles away and 5 yrs removed. Hang in there — have a great Memorial Day!

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