The stupid date and why the hell does it keep following me?

My mother called wanting to know when my anniversary was and M’s birthday.

His birthday is in 3 days and we are planning just some special things for him.

Pie some presents

Minimal effort to make sure the kids know their Dad is worthwhile and their Mom doesn’t hate him.

Yesterday after raging to Erin M came home.

Erin told me to get out of bed and take a shower.

I took a shower and then went to bed. I woke up this morning..

Before my shower though M hugged me and said that there was much more to us.. than him being a “shared husband” there is much more to us than as a couple being in a betrayed relationship.

And I watched that TED talk about Infidelity by Elizabeth Perel. It was interesting.

Because I get to self-discover me?

What exactly am I discovering and what kind of relationship do I want to be in? Because now that I know divorce is simple here in Alaska the kind of divorce I so wanted in KS.

$150 bucks some paperwork and done. No parenting classes, no drawn out nonsense.. just over in 30 days..

I don’t want to be in a relationship.

I have no desire to be.

I hope my children do not get married, it’s a complete waste of time in my opinion. Yes, I learned alot in being married. I won’t even say to M because really if I’m not a complete asshole like Charles or Kendra I will learn and grow from whoever I’m in a relationship because I’m not a dick like those two are.

And M can tell me till he’s blue in the face that he’s changed, he’s sorry, and you guys know what? I don’t care.

In fact I wish he wasn’t sorry and giving me his stupid speel about wanting a better relationship with me and those sweet eyes that look so sad..

But as I self-discover about me and what kind of relationship that I want.

I see that I don’t want to be in any relationship. I see myself wanting more out of life like I always have and laughing.

Walking, learning new languages, going to bible studies, playing with my kids and not wanting to ever deal with the relationship with M.

Guess today I’m pretty upset, but I don’t want to stay there..

Time to go play with the kids

NH

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