Talking isn’t just talking I’m not sure what to call it then

M and I talked for a few hours last night.

M says our talks are not just talks and have serious implications on our lives. If we are not in each other’s future he feels he has to plan. When I don’t think this or that then he has to act accordingly to that.

My kitchen is a mess, I’m out of milk, and I didn’t work out yesterday.

But I’m not stressed.

The boy goes camping tomorrow for his first trip with his troop.

I have a few ideas I want to look into I how I can try and make as much as my husband and still continue my lifestyle 🙂

I will share those probably tonight.

Anyways our talk last night I can only remember bullet points

  • He didn’t need that disgusting part of his life (Not calling KB disgusting) but the way he needed to feel wanted because he’s been without that for year and is fine
  • I told him he broke our covenant and my spirit is torn does he feel anything like that.. He went with nothing is whole in my life anymore
  • I tell him about my random thoughts about KB and  that it sucks and he said he’s sorry and that I can face that pain with him we can face it together.
  • I honestly don’t know what the fuck that looks like and that bothers me. Why would I look to him for comfort in that situation he is one of the  causes of the stupidenss in my brain.. and I’m supposed to go through that with him.
  • I told him if I was dying or became terminal.. I know who I would want by my side.. I didn’t feel I needed to say it woudn’t be you..
  • He told me that my blog and reading blogs causees the wound to open up and doesn’t help me.  (Nothing new there)
  • So I pointed out how is it he can see all that is unhealthy/healthy for me but what is he doing that is unhealthy/healthy?
  • He looked surprised by that idea and he said he didn’t know or good question or something to think about.. and this morning I get Happy Friday! I’m heading here today..

The man is a complete mystery

But I guess so am I..

I miss hugging him

Started the choosing wisely bible study again..

Now off to Safeway and Walmart..


10 thoughts on “Talking isn’t just talking I’m not sure what to call it then

  1. The comment about blogging. Yep. Like they don’t think we haven’t examined whether it is healthy or not? My thoughts are that it is like an infection. You need to keep cleaning the pus out. Blogging us how I prevent getting fully toxic. I vent. The bad shit goes here rather than on my family. That said, there are blogs I don’t read because they build toxicity rather than purge it. I got more selective.

  2. I blog because it keeps me sane. But I will admit, even three years out, some newish bloggers posts can trigger me.

    You’ve got to write your truth whether it hurts or not. If your H is afraid of that, it’s on him.

  3. I will tell you 6 years later, I am glad that I stayed. It took a few years, marriage counseling, a lot of talking, my own affair and a lot of love and forgiveness. But we are finally in a really good place. It’s also been a few years since I had any triggers. You have to decide if u truly want to fix it. If not you are just wasting precious time. Hugs xo

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