Happy 39th Birthday M.

I met him when I was 20.

Spent my 21st birthday with him and every one after.

Ahh.. fucked up memories.

Had I known he was going to cheat on me meh would have left him a LONG time ago.

I’ve tried to make his day special.

Gifts, coffee run, breakfast french toast, bacon, fresh fruit, dinner is homemade pizza, peach pie, and ice cream..

Peaches are defrosting as I blog.

Blow job, movies, someone to tell him Happy Birthday and bring him soda.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m whoring myself out. And then I think no I’ve always enjoyed sex. But I can tell in his eyes.

He knows.

He knows if I had a time machine this would not be happening.. for dam sure.

He’s not stupid.. He was stupid but he seems to be strangely in tune with me or he’s just like every other person I meet.

You know Charles never quite gave into me like all the others and he was a challenge favorite part about him was that I thought he wanted to be different that I did truly get to him in terms of humanity, but that was all in my head.

He was a complete jerk, he never saw how special I was and what we’ve been through until he ruined it all.

He really was that stupid.. good grief.. it’s amazing what the mind will conjure up..

Sometimes I think M and I belong together simply because we are two insanely fucked up people.

Well off to making pie crust.

I know M truly wants his wife to come back, or even be here for him for his birthday.

But have no desire, passion, or fire for the man besides money and physical activity 🙂

Wow.. I seem to have ALOT in common with the sluts today..

Good thing my self-esteem is in tact enough to say who cares?

I no longer am able to conjure up anything about M.

Nothing good anyway which I know is a HUGE red flag because I’m only seeing M as this.. not that..

I know better..

Here’s to learning, growing, and making pie.




11 thoughts on “Happy 39th Birthday M.

  1. Oh, M is my husband age. I think there is no harm in you enjoying what his body can give you, after all he ruined the rest of your joy in the marriage, at least you get to use him for pleasure if not anything else.

  2. Sorry E75!! When I say sluts I’m just referring to just M and KB..
    But really in re-reading it the statement was full of stupid generalizations and doesn’t even apply to KB and M..
    Sometimes I talk out of my ass..

  3. Sometimes when I read your posts I think of the movie ‘Waitress’ with Keri Russell. It’s something about the way you write, and pie 🙂 .Happy Birthday to your hubby, remember, if not for this day 39 years ago, you wouldn’t have those sweet babies of yours. Oh, also, I agree with KC. Go ahead and enjoy the sex part, he enjoys your cooking. It’s a win-win all the way around. Hugs, NH.

  4. A woman who will willingly share a man without the other woman knowing and agreeing to it is a slut. Double slut if she is married and doing the same to her husband. No BS is that NH. We have every right to take what we can get, what is thrown at us by our remorseful husbands. We don’t have to be all in anymore. That’s our only perk for being the faithful one.

  5. You are very giving and generous with your birthday gifting and planning and thoughtfulness. I wonder if your husband feels guilty accepting any of it. I wonder if he doesn have a clue what you are thinking and I wonder what he is thinking. You never truly know what is going on in anyone’s heart, soul, or mind.

    • I think that was the kicker I could see his face guilt.. He doesn’t deserve this.. At least that is what I thought or saw.
      Never can tell.
      Especially knowing what a trixster he can be.
      I think that was a mind fuck with him. To have a Happy Birthday and know he is a source of pain for me.

      I know the pain subsides however the memory will always be there. Which makes me think me and him cannot work out.

      So strange..

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