I look at my sweet children and I am guilty of discouraging them, turning my back on them to subside my own pain. 

I am teaching them independence, character, and hopefully how much they are loved. 

I would still love my son and daughters if they were to choose sin in lust rather than to nurture their own marriage.

I have also taught them contempt, harsh reactions, yelling above any type of reason. 

I love them beyond measure and I  am so blessed to get them everyday no matter what I chose to do.

No one has said oh you yell too much you were too harsh with them and said I am I unfit to love them anymore. 

But I notice that is how I react to M as if he’s unfit for me.

And he doesn’t get another chance to be my husband he completely blew our marriage out the water and I think I will forever see him as a shared husband, an unfaithful icky type.

The Bible study said for every negative thing  I can think about M I can think something positive too.

So he’s a great Dad, wonderful musician, makes an amazing cup of coffee

I liked that notion rather than never going back there or burning all the ugliness I think about M and those thoughts never to return because they always return.

When I see friends with friends on FB or people talking about their best friend I think of her I don’t mean to but I do.

When I see memes or photos or cards about friendship when my girls talk about their friends or mention Jessie I think of her.

I don’t think they will ever forget them like I hope. I know boy won’t he just buried it all deep inside. 

But even thinking about my children and how M affected them it makes me M-A-D

So those thoughts of M return with the fury and I don’t think that naming positive things about him quells the rage but makes me pause to be realistic that M is human and is not a Disney villain with only a dark side meant to cause harm to me and offspring.

I napped today and dreamed I made M cry. I did it on purpose not the purpose like being mean and calling him names or throwing him out but I knew my words of truth were going to hurt him and I didn’t care.

Maybe that is mean after all 

Anyways back to M I wonder if he feels that way that there is no coming back from this and he doesn’t get another chance.

I would hate to not get another chance with my kids knowing I completely blow it ALOT.. 

Not that I am thinking about giving M another chance or anything just what’s on my mind😊

Til next time 




One thought on “Mistakes

  1. I agree. We should forgive our other half as they are already repentant and committed to us plus our kids throughout their lives. We should rebuild our marriage and recommit again. Lord Jesus Christ is very against adultery to date. Don’t argue with Him.

    Therefore, we should forgive our H 77 times and if your M commit (I don’t think he will dare to do it if he WALKS with our Lord), Lord will definitely pass his judgement.
    “Romans 14:12-14 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean.”

    Just raise your kids in Godly way and take the example how Timothy was raised. I could tell that your kids are raised properly unlike KB’s kids who are rude to their own mother. Well Done, NH!

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