I don’t want to clean my refrigerator.. But I must.. and I’m not having an affair.. I swear.. I think anyway

Almost like this darn affair business.

I still want to see him suffer..

I know I’m terrible.. but I’m a big pansy and would probably help him  little.

Oh you guys my bible study made me do it to keep away from any opposite sex communication whether physical or social.

But I crave talking to another man. Any other man except for H.

And as I still am reading so much in bringing a marriage back together. I notice I am slightly on the offender’s side now.

I have not screwed anyone or am talking to anyone but the craving is there.

I want to reach out to the real Marc the one I named M after. The one who got away I actually got away he was waiting for me until a marriage and 4 babies later.

He got married the year M started his affair. I so wish I would have know because I would have left Charles and shacked up with him in a heartbeat.

Not for vengance but for curiosity.

But I see that I only see M one way. He’s just a play think I occasionally bat around and have sex with..

Dare I say it but the more I read affair books.. It would seem I am having my own affair. I think anyone is better than Charles. Well anyone I would be attracted to.

I see our history as a bunch of crap.

Crap relationship, irritating man, using M for his paycheck until I can figure things out..

He still thinks I will leave him..

I do too.

Time to clean that fridge so it isn’t haunting me tomorrow.

I’m sure most of you do too, especially by comments on wordpress and through my email.

It’s strange how the tables have turned.

Am I the bad guy?

Sure kind of feels like it..

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3 thoughts on “I don’t want to clean my refrigerator.. But I must.. and I’m not having an affair.. I swear.. I think anyway

  1. Don’t guilt yourself into thinking you’re the bad guy! You’re the main protagonist (with a special super powers that no body in mummydom

  2. Oh I hate that you now think you are the bad person in your relationship. Nothing is further from the truth in that M is the one that destroyed it, not you. If you do not feel he is being remorseful enough, that is how you feel so why contest that?

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