I don’t want to get in bed with him and dreaming up DREAMS <3

Ewww.. think I will take a shower, pick up the house a bit and sleep on the couch..

I know, I know NH he isn’t going to bite, or his icky cheater cooties should be somewhat washed off by now right?

I am not really focusing on him anymore guys..

I know kind of what I need to be happy and content.

His husband role as provider he gets an A+ we are going to LA and my Mother’s wedding.. we are doing this whole fix this house up and hopefully sell it.

I don’t think this is the place I will be settling down for the rest of my life, but eh.. what do I know I thought I would never leave KS.

He’s still super attractive, it’s crazy how I see chick’s checking him out even married ones now.. EWWW so gross..

It’s strange I notice people staring at me too.. Never noticed before..

Anyways it’s not like I’m staring at people I just glance take the scenery in, be with my kids.. ❤ on them.. enjoy other’s company..

I’m looking forward to the fall here.. and still looking into starting some sort of support system for betrayed spouse’s. Like financial support and journey support. I was heavily in a church and I think it completely fails to recognize the grief that comes with being betrayed like I had.

And I have a great support system. I can only imaging the ones who don’t and I’m not talking church community I’m talking community at all. Those women struggling alone while their husband’s walked out, in-between the divorce settlements and whore grief, or staying and still having a terrible time.

I was even thinking about trying to accrue some celebs on board with the support a spouse needs after a betrayal. Uma Thurman, Elizabeth Hurley, Haley Berry just to name a few.

I suppose I’m just carrying on. I try to calm down my dreams because I worry that they may seem that I’m avoiding my family, or I’m trying to help others and cannot even help myself.

My mother I love her dearly but does that and it drives me crazy..

So I want to be realistic in my goals and figure out what I want to do.

P.S. did you see the lady who tell everyone to stay out of the shark’s house and bear’s house. Oh it was hilarious! Made me laugh so hard today..

And I needed a good laugh.

For even while I’m still married to him, there is a distance between him and I, he is somewhat cured and has moved on and of course wants to me to move right along beside him.

Still bothers me how he’s just moved on. I suppose if I became a lying douche bag and decided hey that isn’t really who I am.. maybe I could move on too.

But can’t spend too much time thinking about him and his nonsense.. I get all cray when I do..

And lately what I’ve been telling my kids you are only accountable for yourself no one else, you cannot control others (they’ve been playing the blame game, or who always has the short end of life)

Going through this has shown me a deeper regard in guiding our children and how I live my life.

While I do love M, I find being married to him tolerable and not what brings me joy anymore. While I don’t find he is a HUGE cause of pain or source of it (blaming wonder where my kids get it), I don’t find being married to him a big part of my happiness or joy.

And I want our daughter’s and son to see me have that with the man I chose to be with to the end.

I doubt that man is M, but eh.. not divorcing him anytime soon so there’s that..


One thought on “I don’t want to get in bed with him and dreaming up DREAMS <3

  1. Yeah-i’ve heard it said before that “the worst thing is to be held responsible for something you have no control over-it will drive you crazy”. I will confirm that one for sure. (Not sure if that’s an actual quote or not- so pardon me for not giving proper credit). I think that’s a great idea a place to find support for betrayeds who have no where to turn for help. I’d be up for helping any way I can!

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