I was hoping I would hear from him soon. A boy in his troop had a 3,000 lb boulder fall on his legs and had to be medivac’d out. So thankful he is going back to camp with just a broken heel.
It was a boy our boy was becoming close too.
I was getting the girls ready for bed and Charles said Blaise is on the phone.. my heart.. I don’t know what my heart did it was excited and gosh I miss him so much..
after the girls went to bed M asked how I was doing. I told him
I remember waiting for his phone calls like that in Iraq.
The longing and the breather when I could hear his voice.
that was a LONG time ago though.
I want to tell him I hope he knows I would have respected him more if he would have left me. And once icky girl finally got tired of him, the chances of me loving him again would be greater than they are now.
But what does that do? Just create more distance between us than there already is.
Plus, I’m tired of throwing his affair in his face, or even talking about it.. seems like dead weight.
It never takes me to a magical place, or makes me feel well I accomplished something.
I read Life Post Affairs blog about she mentioned “Not wanting to let him off easy” I can safely say after having what feels like 2 D-days. Some would have said I let him off easy but in my mind I did what was right I fought for my marriage because that’s what I thought best to do. Not that I wanted him, but I thought I married a fucked up person, but we can work through this okay here we go..
Then 2 years later comes around and I’m like “Sketchy Bitch”..
But since finding out what kind of fucked up he can be I have to say I do what I want now. If I wanted and felt in my heart to love M, to pour love out to him and had any desire to build anything with the man right now I would.
I think this marriage is done.. I’m over it but I don’t want to leave and timing just doesn’t seem right.
So I’m going to milk this money, Alaska adventure train for what I can. I am going to read a book about staying married for the kids at the library curious on their take. Because being honest and holding up integrity and having M for a husband I think that balances the kids out.
Is that relationship material? Doesn’t feel like it.
But eh another day down..
They were good but I didn’t like the sauce but I used natural peanut butter. Charles said they were phallic and was not into them. I told him no there weren’t none have ever tasted this good. Bwhahahaha!
I will be making them again.
TIll Next Time