Ahh.. Chrysler Town and Country’s are EVERYWHERE on my little island of Alaska. And most betrayed have called them triggers even I gave up I called them mind fucks for awhile, but I read a book called “Shattered Vows” and she said she stopped calling them triggers and called them “anointings”

I never liked the word trigger. And now a year and some change after all this has blown down I have to say I’m at a point where I’m like you know what lady that’s not a bad idea.

I would like to say I’m exercising enough to where I don’t mind going downstairs to get the book to actually quote the woman but I’m not and I don’t want to go downstairs.. so here’s the just.

She was saying triggers just didn’t do it for her. She didn’t like them and started calling them anointings a situation for her to go into her pain and take care of the issue with out losing it.

Just to remind everyone I am horrible at paraphrasing.. so I could be so wrong. I’ll grab the book tomorrow.. anyways I liked her idea

Oh and to my new reader’s a Chrysler Town and Country is where Charles and Kendra enjoyed themselves numerous times. I don’t think it’s so much it that make and model now that I think deep into it. I remember getting picked up in that particular van for girls night, to celebrate certain dates, when Kendra first got that van she came over and showed me all the new features. It’s always a grey one so popular I guess.. kind of like affairs super easy to have I guess.

Anyways I think it reminds me of a friendship lost. Sometimes I get all up in a knot saying Charles devastated two of my most precious relationships. My marriage and a close friend.

Now I know she spread deep and wide for my husband like a 24hr McDonalds drive thru. But I don’t care to get into her head. Sure I blame her.. but she’s super weak ever since I met her she was like that. Weak-minded, self-conscious.. but in her weakness I saw strength and I enjoyed what I thought was reciprocated friendship.. guess not.. but whatever.. she’s dust I really have detached I guess. Especially from her, wanting to punch her, or do harm, or even care to think a bunch about her.

I just think Charles should have been stronger. I was married to a strong man, or who played strong now I know 14 years too late.

Weak, self-conscious, pity-party, reformed whine bag of a husband bleh.. but can’t control what was, or has been.. just now

To that anointing thing so now I see a van like that and I pray for it. Not everyone in one is having an affair in one 🙂 I also am able to pray for her at the moment too. It’s quick but it helps soothe me to get my mind to better thinking than there’s a rememberance of what I do not have anymore.

We went fishing today.

I bought dinner and we got the girls to bed on time.

I kissed him on the check it’s what I felt to do nothing more.

Almost like friends I guess.

I am very reserved with my affections I do not withhold. I don’t say I want to hug Charles NH do not do that. I don’t want to hug him so I do not. I do not want to engage him so I do not.

Big difference and that’s where I know things are changing for me. I’m getting better, I’m learning new tools, languages, and growing personally.

Now just got to get that professional thing down. Collected a bunch of shells with Bell and Squish at another beachy spot, rocks and beach glass. I would like to turn them into jewelry and sell them in town.

I’m going to buy supplies when we get back from vacation.

I have a few ideas I cannot wait to show you all.

Still missing the boy he left his room a mess and I think I’m going to have this place nice and cleaned up before we leave all 3 girls will be packed tomorrow and boy too. So that leaves Charles and I.

I’m feeling accomplished lately..and very thankful to God, and all of the support I’ve received near and far..

While in the beginning of this traumatic event I thought saving the marriage was the goal.. not hating him was a big one too

I found an even better one.. saving myself.. edit that.. loving myself what the hell is saving myself 🙂

Loving who I am and finding areas where I want to improve, where I want change, or better where God is leading me to change.. yeah I like that better




Comment Here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s