I cry..

I miss being in love and feel like a fool for missing it.

Right now that’s not my story

and self-condemnation will not get me anywhere.

He is not the enemy..

He is not the enemy..

I do envy him he had 2 loves..

I had only one and it’s gone.

I cry to let the tears flow knowing that, this is a process..

This is not the end of my chapter at all..

I’m learning and growing so much that the hate does not come back like the engulfing phoenix that it used to.

I want to blame him.. but it’s over..

The affair is over, the man I believed in over, and the endearing love I had for him over..

I don’t know what pressing on looks like tonight.

But I know I can.

I know this vacation will be amazing not because he’s there, but because I’m blessed to be able to travel with all of my children and not worry about finances.

That I’m a first worlder and have so much to offer the world.

We talked about doing this marriage for the kids..

Well I talked he just withdrew…

If I commit to just staying for the kids than what incentive does he have to get any better to even be tolerable in living together??

None.. in my opinion..

He chooses his own isolation.. I refuse to join him..


4 thoughts on “I cry..

  1. Hugs. I cry for the same reasons you do.

    I told my husband I am not staying for the kids. I know they will be fine whether we are married or divorced. I am staying for me. Because, after all, when the kids are grown and out of the house, I will only have him to contend with. Gosh, that truly seems like such a long time from now, 12 years is all that is needed. So many life events can happen in that time period.

    I do think he is only staying for the kids though. I guess I need to talk to him about that.

    I’m sorry you are going through these perils in pain too.

  2. MY kids are grown, even though they still live at home. They are something we argue about often. Because he is so self-centered, I am not fond of his attitude (too harsh), which then I become too soft in my following through. Sucks because then I’m no better than him. The narcissist that he is; I think mine stays because he doesn’t want to share the spoils with me ($$$) and he wants someone waiting, there when he comes home, so he is not alone. Reality is that I feel he cares but I don’t feel loved. I feel used and abused. But when I think of leaving my home, well I find it difficult to imagine. Good God does this ever stop being such a weight around my neck? Sorry that you have to go through this. They have made a mess of things haven’t they?? Hugs to you—–chely

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