The Divorce was going to happen last night

I think many more people would get divorced if it could happen right then and there.

I know we would be.

We were really set on it last night.

He even went on FB and changed the name. We were on a joint account.

Which is good.. I’m not big sharer anyway..

This morning

We made up.

Last night I was fine going to get a divorce, he wasn’t coming to California, I read till I fell asleep then I woke up scared

You guys are going to laugh at me.

I’m still afraid of the dark in some situations.

I fear sharks in pools.. I’m silly..

It’s not a debilitating thing but the fear is there.

Dark basements things like that.

And with the lights on in our bedroom I fell asleep

And I woke up scared.. not sure why but I didn’t want to be alone..

so I went upstairs and asked Charles if he could come downstairs because I was scared and he did.

We woke with 2 girls in our bed.

He says’s he loves me.

I tell him I love him too. I meant it.

I don’t think I could ever divorce him guys but it’s not about that. The flip-flopping around like a fish, not being on the fence but what gets me, or even us to that point?

Do I feel unloved. I must.. I don’t notice it until it’s too late.

Nor does he..

And then we want nothing more than to tear this family apart.. I can’t stand him and he can’t stand me..

I would dearly miss what we have..

Why does it take such drastic measures to get me to remember, to have him see things too?

Not one or the other but the both of us?

We had sex it was nice

Another day..

ā¤

NH

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6 thoughts on “The Divorce was going to happen last night

  1. That sounds great! Maybe it would be best to take divorce off the table and not look back. I know it’s going to be hard to put yourselves back together as it is, but maybe you need the focus of deciding to stay together. Again. For the 30th time, if necessary šŸ™‚

  2. It’s just the pulling apart and the putting back together that allows the cogs of the relationship function without rusting.

  3. I think it says something that you asked him to come to you and that he did.
    I’m not sure if it says enough, but maybe it says enough for today. And maybe today is the only day to worry about.

  4. I think you’re right about that — divorce can seem like the best solution in the heat of the moment. I hope you can find happiness that you can trust, all the better if its within your marriage.

  5. You know someone asked me if I was committed to my relationship and I said “I don’t know.”…but really…I am committed as long as there is progress. Things will never be the same…I will never look at him the same way I did. I’m coming to the reality of that….I don’t know, I’m glad divorce isn’t readily available…oh my word…there would be even more divorce than there is now and it’s bad enough as it is.
    After time we will learn to see life as it is and accept it…but for you and I…I think it’s a difficult journey because how deeply we believed them to be good guys…and even more so for you because it was 2 years and your close friend. God Bless you…I don’t know how women do this. ā¤ Love you N

  6. I agree that I do wish the process would be on a faster time table. You make a decision, based on his actions or non-actions, or in my case where do I fit on his priority list (I think I’m like 4 or 5 places down). I don’t need to be #1 always but it would be nice to occasionally be there. I’ve started the process to divorce before (15yr ago) and ended up stopping it because we got back together (I believed it would be different, it was not and here I am now in a mess even worse). I’ve been on the fence for so long I’m getting saddle sore. Because information from the last time I was going to divorce, in my case I was instructed not to leave our home until told by atty because I could loose some of my rights regarding our house (because many years ago he tricked me into signing a quit claim deed, when we refinanced and said he would change it that after. He has not and if I leave before this resolved I could have a problem. I was told that there is a legal way around this but I don’t know for sure. So when I think I’ve had enough and would just leave I can’t, and then because we’re there together I end up changing my mind. But I’m seeing a new attorney (today as a matter of fact) because despite us getting along- if this is it how it’s going be -then I’m not happy – I don’t want to spend the next 20 years in this relationship if this is it. I don’t think I want to be ANYBODYS wife, housekeeper, maid, sex toy and the one he blames for all his problems anymore. I think Healing after his affair said it so well , ” I wanted him to fight for me”, show me that he is so glad I didn’t walk out the door. He does not do that. I am starting to want to see what a life focused on my needs is all about. I wish this was an easy decision, it is not.

    Sorry that you still are hurting. Wishing for peace in your life!

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