My reformed Slut boy

That’s what Rizzo used to call him

She would say “NH okay, but there are so many good qualities about him”

She would make me get a pad of paper out and write

Slut Boy on one side and all the bad qualities and the Good things on the other.

There were always far more good things about him when Rizzo was around.

She helped me many times get out of the pity party called my head and heart. For so long I was lost.

Rizzo believed I would make it and she held my hand to do so, Frenchie, Books, and Erin who still takes my calls as well.

He gave me flowers recently, he is doing the budget. He pays the bills

I think he is suspicious of my activity which is strange, why should he be suspicious?

I have called him weak numerous times throughout this ordeal and I think it’s given him a complex. He wants to be strong because he thinks that’s what I want.

I can see that as both admirable and cowardly.

Focusing on me like that will not help him heal the ugly in his soul it deflects

But admirable because he heard me, but misunderstood me and wants to change the way I see him.

I see change in him, but what does that mean for me?

That I will love him again? That the buried marriage before gone. And the new means what..

I know I know I obsess. I can’t control the future, nor predict or know much except that I want to hold onto the values I hold dear now.

I asked him today

Do you ever remember Kendra, do you think of the times you spent together? Does doing anything make you remember her, your talks, anything?

I mean 2+ years my husband was exchanging messages becoming a slut and being entangled with one as well. No memories, nothing come on.. and if so what the hell does that say about him? More importantly what does it say about me who’s tied down with him?

He replied “Not a good time talk about it later”

Yet, just hours before we were messaging back and forth about the girls’ bedroom situation and how it is not currently working out.

While I don’t miss my life or marriage before. Fuck him.. stupid bastard.

The reformed slut that comes home to me everyday? He wants to be relabeled. He wants to obtain the same position he threw away.

I have made it clear to him that I doubt that’s ever going to be possible where I feel we are connected as one entity.

I mean as Mr and Mrs. NH we do great financially setting goals, raising our kids, however this relationship?

It’s like we are college buddies who had a fling before college. it didn’t work out but we live together, have kids together.

Sure sex is great, and watching T.V. together is fun.. but it’s also enjoyable by myself..

Lately I just want to be left alone..

But your pal is cray..

because if I was all alone I’d complain about being alone.. right??

or maybe not really haven’t gotten the chance to clear my head since this all went down

Maybe I should 5 days in the psych ward I don’t think counts..

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