How I met my beloved and a boyfriend

Who the fuck cares right?

I mean what is with me finding posts or seeing things about how you met your mate, tell us your story..

Ugh.. I hope I don’t feel like I want to vomit when I tell the story to our girls.

Because my story is severely broken and definitely nothing to write to anyone about..

not now anyway..

Anyways back on this lovely day in Alaska the boy caught his first salmon and I’m starting the grill up to cook these babies good.

Lately I’ve been noticing how Charles looks at me. It isn’t the i want to bang you look.. it’s tender and I wonder if he’s always looked at me this way it’s kind.

And it’s weird..

I used to love to watch him eat I thought it was sexy because 1. I have a thing for food and 2. I have a thing for Charles..

Talk about a combo back in the day..

Now it’s not cute at all.. bleh..

Strange. I find myself treating him more like a boyfriend. But not one I’ve ever had. I’ve never had a man that I didn’t care if the relationship failed or not. First time for me completely new for sure.

Banging is nice, the family bit is great, the relationship is awkward..

Eerily awkward..

But I’m old enough to know this will pass too.

Sometimes he’s touching me and I want to scream at him stop touching me all the dam time!! FUCK!!..

But I don’t because that is super unkind, I’m trying to get right with God, Porn free day 2 :), and I know sometimes I don’t know what I want.

Many things can set your girl NH on FIRE.. so I’m trying to keep my cool, because sometimes I like his touches..

Well here’s to grilling my first whole fishes…

The day is beautiful and I feel well..

Happy and kind..

❤ NH

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2 thoughts on “How I met my beloved and a boyfriend

  1. What a wonderful message ‘be happy and kind’. If only everyone could follow it, It would definitely be a less cruel world.

  2. Though I read your posts, I don’t generally comment. But, today, I just want to say that I can feel your pain, your confusion, your struggle as you wrestle with so many conflicting emotions. I am hoping and praying for the best for you, whatever that may be.

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