Coffee

Something Charles and I enjoy wasting money on. 

We talk 

Actually I talk 

I am tired of being in Alaska already

I miss my friends I miss my life back in KS except for running into Kendra I still anticipated punching or verbally abusing her in public suppose it is best that we moved.

Still miss my pals though

And My routine and now 3 of my children are going to leave my house and I am going to miss them terribly!!

So I will be with one child during the day 

And I am wondering how Squish and I will conquer the days

I hope they like being at home still when they get home from school

Anyways back to coffee so I tell Charles that I think it’s been terribly difficult for me to transition to life without him.

His judgments, his contempt, and his goodness too.

His backstabbing outshines most of his good.

Even as we tackled TB tests together for 3 kids at the same time.

But I try not to think of him too much because I find myself questioning myself what am I living for and for who?

As I tell him this I mention this is going to last a LONG time.

Learning to live without him 

In my heart. Not outside life kids, family , marriage we are doing this together it was our choice we married incorrectly

And who knows maybe we are doing this incorrectly 

But Charles says he is willing to wait for me

When I am ready to be with him again 

I wonder if I will ever know.

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