Another rough night and on my knees

Prayer petition truly living out my faith.

Yes having Charles be one of my many great mistakes is still difficult to not cry over.

I do realize back in the day this all began I should have left.

Not for good but awhile enough to cry my heart out and grieve..

I thinking grieving has hit me hardest when I know I want another baby.

Doesn’t have to be with Charles per se but I also want a love again.

I know silly me but I do and it’s difficult knowing Charles can give me neither of those things and I get sad.

Because I had babies and a faithful husband about 3+ years Ago and I was discontent having a husband like Charles it’s no surprise now..

I am trying to process my grief Gods will and my future while being kind to myself even when I blame myself for putting me in this situation.

Charles was bad news my fellow soldiers warned me about him and I thought I knew better.

And here I am looking for my future and containing myself and thoughts so I do not cause a Godzilla like whirlwind for my precious babies.

Tonight is difficult I didn’t even know what to pray to God as I cried.

I want to feel loved tonight that I am not alone in building a life with kids but I suppose enough of my pity party going to watch a movie and just chill out.

Til next time



4 thoughts on “Another rough night and on my knees

  1. NH,

    Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve is just a path into the dark rabbit hole of despair or the chains that keep us in it. I know how hard it is to not go into that rabbit hole and how hard it is to climb out when we do. I do truly understand!

    I am not sure if this could be helpful or not, but when I start wishing for the past to be different, thinking about the big waste of 18 years, something that helps me is to remember that if I could change it, I would also likely change the path that led to my beautiful children. While we can do what we can to understand the past, we cannot change it. And, even if we could, would we want to risk losing our beautiful kids. Maybe G-d’s plan was that those beautiful children be brought into this world. For present and future, I don’t know. But, perhaps for the past, that can bring some purpose, some comfort.

    As always, sending you love and support! (((NH))) TL xx

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