Not sure how to respond 

I was and still am a horrible communicator to Charles.

I said I was sorry 

I just left the service to help with making pizzas he knew I was making pizzas but I failed to tell him when.

Then I went with the pastor to discuss bible study books after our church hangout I didn’t ask him if it was okay and we didn’t leave church until 2.

He was grumpy he told me he missed me. I was glad to have a roast in the crockpot so he could eat.

I told him I was sorry.

It’s so strange feelings are difficult to describe.

I mean before he would have left me argued fussed been what NH would call a little bitch about it. No solutions just a whiny bitch saying I always do this or why do I have to do this…

We would argue and that would be it 

Now there is no argument he is manuevering this too he told me he missed me during church and that I didn’t tell him I was leaving

I told him I was sorry and I thought he knew where I was going

I slept on the couch last night sometimes my heart aches for the husband I made up.

I wish it didn’t 

Anyways so this morning we  really were not on the same page 

I am taking him to the airport tomorrow and he will be gone for 3 1/2 days in a bigger town and learning new things.

I was looking forward to him being gone now I am not sure this is better or worse but I don’t care.

I don’t have big plans to celebrate while he’s gone 

I am going to turn the safeway job down tomorrow 

I can’t make any long term commitments right now.

I so need to find a slow cooker pot roast recipe that I love winging it isn’t working out for me.

I signed up for teaching Sunday school once a week 

And thinking about starting a Bible study and small group 

Going to pray about it and just relax today was busy..

Til next time 



One thought on “Not sure how to respond 

  1. I miss the man I made up, too. But it is important for me to realise that he WAS real. He just changed under pressure and did dumb (selfish, painful. ..) shit. Does Charles have a “pressure”he wasn’t coping with? Responsibility got too much? Rog lost his mind. He regrets his reaction. Fuck, not as much as me! Was Charles ever tempted before? What did he do then? What changed? Generally I have found that these male cheaters were just shit at asking for help/love/understanding so went looking in all the wrong places.

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