from hysterical bonding, to make-up sex, to on occasion, to i-need-to-feel-good, to none at all.

Yeah I am abstaining for awhile.

Not sure how long but I have found I use sex to feel good.

I know don’t laugh at me or fall out of your chair 😊😉but I use it to get out of bed in the morning to help me get out of a bad mood, it’s really mixed up the way I use sex in my life and I just kind of want to sort this whole sex thing out.

I told Charles today any fool can convince themselves they are in love with someone when they are having sex.

And I want none of that clouding my mind as I find my way through this interesting tale of my life minus a husband.

Because he is not a comfort to me (not that he doesn’t try) I just don’t find him comforting. As we piece through our marriage history and I present him with facts not fiction I can almost see him cry.

And I just moved on because his tears are not a hindrance to my healing nor an assistance.

He has a lot of growing up to do and I am unsure that I want to be apart of that. (Yes I know I have a lot of growing up to do too)

Books told me this Way back in the day about how having sex with him with no intimacy, with no relationship is just like him and Kendra there isn’t much of a difference.

And I was so sad back then I told her I didn’t care it makes me feel good.

But I get it now and I am okay not having sex Til whenever 

Not to punish Charles but to evaluate myself and how I love, how I fall in love and if that’s a possibility with Charles ever again.

Lately I have been wanting to date I know silly NH like I have the time or resources😝😝😝😝 selfishness gets the best of me at times

Charles and I have always had a great sex life it’s what brought us together and tore us apart.

He found sex with Kendra mediocre which I would love to believe but I’m on the fence but he found sex with her and thought he loved her (Insert green puking emoticon)

Which makes me happy that her mediocre sex wasn’t worth anything and he regrets ever touching her.

But anyways it tore us apart because I was a fool thinking I was in love with Charles when we met.

We were banging all the time it was great of course it dwindled because he is such a jerk of a husband and I compromised myself too much to accommodate him and kiddos make it tough too.

However sex and feelings of love proved a lackluster man.

Because I can take my own medicine a fool can convince themselves they are in love with someone they are having sex with.

I am that fool and I don’t want to make that same mistake again.

I am stronger than that and worth much more.

Til next time 



3 thoughts on “Sex

  1. I know what you mean… before D-day, I knew something was wrong, despite the frequency of sex. I told him it felt like he was just masturbating, but with my body instead of his hand and into my body instead of into a sock. It felt like… it was nothing but filling a hole. Literally.

  2. Yeah at one point before they broke up the 2nd time in 2014 her bringing it up yet again.. still baffles me she couldn’t take a hint.. he just wanted her and this affair to go away..

    Sure he kept communication open but that was it..

    We were banging and it just didn’t feel right his eyes were cold and I was like what the fuck is wrong with him..

    It was strange.. 2 1/2 weeks later all came out..

  3. “a fool can convince themselves they are in love with someone they are having sex with.
    I am that fool and I don’t want to make that same mistake again.”
    DITTO! It’s a good learning process. We’re both gaining insight into our own failures. ❤

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