Ever spend a bunch of money to complicate your life??

Yeah that’s me today..

Geesh.. organizing the girls room today and that place is a complete disaster.. Hopefully I what I bought will work and then get to painting..

So doing that..

Feeling better today about my life in general must be the rain, and just reading Scripture in the morning and evening..

He brushed against me a few times and he still feels electric.. is that creepy??

I think it is.. because there is a spark between us.. or maybe because it’s on like 2 weeks sex free..

I can’t tell.. but I held his hand this morning.. and it was nice and touched his foot in bed..

little things I guess.. He didn’t push me away..

I still like the way his skin smells.. or even touching his skin..

I mean let’s take away the fact that he can lie, sex up on a skank in parking lots, sides of highways, and in another man’s bed, in my bed and deceive all that he claims to love.

I still like those things mentioned above which makes me feel like I am no role model to raise my daughters for a moment..

Fuck!!

Ahh.. the conflict of dealing with a so called reformed cheater and finding any kind of love and peace with them..

But we all know better I’m the best women to teach my kiddos about honesty and integrity.. because I’m not a little bitch.. (not calling him one now.. but he sure WAS one) and Charles is the one to help teach them what happens when you decide to turn your back on all that you claim to love.

It’s beautiful grey and rainy here..

It’s a chicken soup and fresh bread kind of day..

I can’t wait to cozy up to my babies tonight..

❤ NH

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4 thoughts on “Ever spend a bunch of money to complicate your life??

  1. It’s no sex for 2 weeks…believe me…EPIC.FAIL.LAST.SUNDAY.
    The urge was too intense…it had been building over a few days. Boundaries were crossed and I let him touch me :/ My whole body tensed up afterwards…I thought I was going to seize out. It was really weird!!! Then all week I’ve been tired and bloated, seriously messed up my hormonal system.
    BUT in one way it was good because it showed me once again how unhealthy we are…how unhealthy he is and how unmotivated he is to get the help he needs to be what he needs to be. He can selfishly reach out to me physically but will not self sacrifice what is most difficult for him and NECESSARY for the health of our relationship REGARDLESS if it works out (which it won’t if it continues this way)…COMMUNICATION! That is his form of punishment towards me…with holding communication. But he has no problem with physical touch…DUH! That’s how we got here in the first place. Sex fixes nothing and I told him so. Now he’s with holding communication…this makes it so easy to give up. He doesn’t fight or self sacrifice of work on anything he just rolls over and goes with whatever happens. NOT who I want to be with ESPECIALLY after he cheated!!! I’ve been dealing with anger about his lack of seeking out help and then saying he wants this relationship…you can’t have both!!! He’s got to work hard on getting help…like consistent hard core HELP!!! Like I have gotten, but he hasn’t and it’s helping me all the more let go because I don’t want to be with someone who cheats and is just lazy waiting for the next person to come along and tell him what he needs to do. UGH! Oh, did I mention his mom is saying she believes the Lord is moving her to our city? OH MY WORD! Perfect he will have his mommy so he’ll never need to GROW UP (insert sarcastic tone).
    Today is little baby boys Birthday, tomorrow will be the last day he spent with her :/ Tomorrow I start my divorce care group! VERY timely!! I’m so thankful!

  2. I wish I could show you pictures of him on his day…oh my word!!! SO STINKIN’ CUTE! Happy little boy! Happy weekend! And I want to celebrate his LIFE not the end of my pathetic relationship with my husband and not her either.
    This was my FB post and pretty much sums up this time in my life on a positive note.
    September 11th 2001 I Remember exactly where I was I remember watching one attack after another on the news… I remember how terrified everyone was. Grieve with those who grieve for lost loved ones… And rejoice with those who rejoice for rescued loved ones. We give honor to those heroes who sacrificed their lives to rescue others and those that were willing to give their lives if need be.
    September 11th 2012 I also remember exactly where I was. I was in the hospital and gave birth to my baby boy ____. In the midst of great tragedy God gives us life and blessings. I’m so glad that ____ was born on 9/11 to always remind me of that truth. ____is a true blessing from heaven ♡
    On the day we grieve many deaths we also celebrate many lives born and rescued. Happy Birthday to my precious baby boy and friends! (The blanks are where I had his name).

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