I found that word from this blog.

Beautiful word.

Beautiful writing.. not sure I agree with it all or get his writing but I think it’s pretty and the phrase from his post ” your state of heartruptcy”

the word just hit me and made me want to say that is the word!!

I am in heartruptcy with Charles.

In the sense of romance and adventure.

You know that pal that you thought you could get into trouble with or get into trouble and bail you out or be with you to find bail??

The love that you thought would be down to hide a body if you ever got crazy enough to kill someone.. not that I would now that I surpassed that moment of frightening anger and know what I’m capable of..

I thought I had that with Kendra and Charles..

We definitely know it’s not Kendra.. my first response to that name is fuck that broad.. but I do pray for her if that makes sense. Maybe one day I won’t think that.. who knows..

And well Charles.. oh Charles.. the one who gets so frustrated with his wife’s thinking because he found himself in a game where no one is happy for a moment anyway. I suppose one could say they are happy stomping on someone to fulfill their need for love, but I haven’t the slightest clue how that works..

He played a game with people, with love, with God and he knew better but said fuck it all anyway..

See that’s not lost to me.. he tried to bullshit me with I can’t forgive someone who gets lost and I’m like say what?? (meaning bitch did you just really??)

Heartruptcy.. I suppose my definition would be a lack of romantic love with my husband because nothing worked with him. He now realizes he had a pretty awesome life and fucked it to pieces..

I know I want better for my life than to be with someone with heartruptcy as well. A heart that lies and is empty. Void of all sense of self and how to treat a marriage..

I’m sure all of you are glad i’m not in charge of Webster hell I’ve changed the definition like twice already!! LOL!!

Anyways lunch with my girls was hell. Squish decided to become a nightmare at the stroke of 12 and her Momma didn’t know they don’t go to recess after lunch but before.. does that make sense to anyone??

I should have known that.. better luck next time.

Rearranging the girls room and just doing little by little in this house of mine.

I’m reading 

Cute book almost done with it.

Helps me to just be okay here. I don’t plan on living in AK long but never know I stayed in KS 10 years..

My pals in KS FB’d me and thought they saw me in town and our children’s director in charge of AWANAS was looking for my kids.

Rizzo also started her bible study back up and the wonderful daughter of my friend E who watched our kids weekly messaged me to say she missed our family yesterday..

Our homeschool co-op started yesterday too.

I miss my friends, what was I thinking moving out here.. I thought our son would like it, and he does. Our girls are having a blast too.

But me?? Well that’s to be determined.. I’m glad the children are having fun..

Well off to make something for dinner..

Till Next Time..

❤ NH


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