How to not hate your husband after an affair and some other things

After what WP told me I have like 500+ posts and well I think if someone came to my site they would find that I still hate him..

This is true some days..

Blogging has helped, finding other things to do with my life, being kind to my body, mentally, spiritually, being with people I feel safe with and trust and not going to jail..

This has all helped me to not hate my husband.

Many reminders of marriage life has assisted me in being pissed off, anniversary’s, birthdays, just being married to him in general, gifts of the past marriage, even the great what seems to be theme in Christian communities is to extend grace, forgive like Christ, and move on to a new, better, marriage than before..

To all of these things I’ve had many bad reactions, but with the bad comes good. I have forged a way through this disaster and do not come to any conclusion. But I know I’m not scared to leave my husband, or am scared if he walks out one day, or even cheats on me behind my back. Because he will be caught the woman he flocked with was sloppy, and weak. I doubt he has time or wants to be better at being a lying cheater. But his life dreams no longer matter to me.

My children’s dreams and mine are what keeps the hate at bay and what helps me move on.

My husband and ex-best friend backstabbed me for 2+ years and it’s tragic and still makes me want to vomit remembering the moments we shared together.

He still thinks he was an honorable husband he just got lost in someone’s vagina, secret FB messages and sext messages which makes me want to put cement shoes on him.. but I can’t control him. Never could.

I thought our bond was strong, it wasn’t, and still isn’t in my opinion.

Which doesn’t make me hate him, doesn’t make me like him either.

We’ve had a couple of good days but I have to be clear that I cannot control good days or bad days. I can just control how I feel about them. And there are normally less tragic, heart-wrenching days, than in the beginning. I have learned to make myself a priority. To do what I like and love.

To work on myself and be the best NH I can even on a “I think I’m going to end up on the T.V. show Snapped Day”

That is how I’ve learned not to hate my husband over the past 18 months.

Being with the other betrayed on here is a support network that is cheaper than therapy and sure is nice to know I’ve never been alone since this all started.

Learning more and more about myself without condemnation or guilt is nice too.

I doubt I would care so much about ME because instead I cared alot about WE and then the WE broke.

Some would say if I cared so much about the WE, I wouldn’t be in this mess. And being someone new to infidelity I used to think the same. But it’s untrue.

On the flip someone with honesty and integrity in a committed relationship shouldn’t have to lie, and cheat their spouse.

Unless maybe their life depends on it, even then I still think it’s cowardly.. for example I’m some mafia hit-woman and he knew he would die.

Even if I was a overweight, didn’t do housework, unloving, sucks at raising the kids spouse, or I was a athletic, involved, super-nanny/manny kind of spouse.

It doesn’t really matter does it? So what if your spouse doesn’t appreciate you that means it’s okay to lie? to deceive someone just because they are not the super-spouse you once knew..

So it’s okay to use committed relationship time and resources to have an affair? To go against your word?

And rich, beautiful/handsome, caring spouses get cheated on too, so to those who think something is so far amiss in a relationship then this blog is probably not for you..

But if you’re looking for how to not hate your husband after an affair.. you’re in the right direction.

Not that I have any answers for you.

this is just my story one of many a betrayed spouse

I can’t say I hate him all the time nor can I say I love him all the time.

But I work on honoring his life as a child of God.

I still do think God tells me to stay and be with him, and I still argue with God about that theory.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I believe him, which is icky to me at times because I believed him when we were trying to save our marriage during his affair. (vomit feeling again)

and sometimes puts me at peace because he treats me remarkably well most days. He takes care of kids more than he used to, he communicates more, he texts me his whereabouts whether we are speaking or not. He apologized for his behavior, he is always trying to touch me (not sure if that is good or bad yet)

So here’s to many more posts..

Here’s to the amazing journey and adventure I have set my life upon.

Here’s to all of you who check up on me daily, monthly, weekly

and to the newly betrayed.. I’m sorry your here.. may this space find you peace and if you do find yourself reading cheater’s blogs be careful it can be devastating and enlightening and can waste emotional energy that you need for yourself. The stories maybe similar but we are all different, don’t put too much energy there.

If you do decide to venture there in the beginning prepare for it. Read that stuff and then make yourself a favorite drink, step away from your computer, pet an animal, hug your kids and brace yourself for happiness for a little bit.

Better yet before you go there.. have an extremely funny video that makes you laugh in a new tab waiting for you. To just kind of jolt you out of this world for awhile..

Till Next Time..

❤ NH

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6 thoughts on “How to not hate your husband after an affair and some other things

  1. Hugs to you. What a wonderful tribute to yourself and your devastating journey these last 18 months. I’m smiling here for you in your bravery.

    I can feel how you feel because I know what you are going through. It sure can get confusing at times!

  2. I know God wants me to stay, too. I can’t say that makes the tough days any easier, but it reminds me to not make any rash decisions about leaving…to take things a day at a time. NH, despite the confusion that you, and all of us betrayed spouses feel, you are still in your marriage, you are still trying to do the right thing. You are an inspiration in so many ways…thank you for sharing your journey, and helping others in theirs.

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