Finding Infidelity Help Group, Health Cake, Reconciliation, and me finding a new blog

If you haven’t found it..

here’s the link

Love it.. Seriously.. I would love to say I wish I found this 19 months ago, but I can’t.. I’ve grown enough to know.. I found this at the perfect time.

Since it’s purely secular sometimes I have to check myself to not just focus on what I want but what does God want and prayerfully consider that as my main focus.

However there is some GOOD GOOD Stuff there and I think I may just start a new blog.

Seriously… because you know in a twisted way my recovery in the beginning of all of this was about him.. I thought it was about me, being mindful enough not to end up in an orange suit away from my kids.

To love him, to forgive him, Yes, I know that is what God calls me to do.

But HE also loves ME, wants the best for ME, wants ME to be LOVED, wants me to LOVE HIM more than anything else on Earth, and my relationship between ME and HIM.. is more important to GOD than Charles and I.

How to not hate my husband can be seen as way for me to control the pain.

I gave it a name..

I’m a fixer..

I hate my husband after an affair with my best friend for 2 years.. okay problem..

How to solve it..

Not hate him.. how do I get there..

It was all in the IHG’s The Magic Reconciliation Recipe

And you guys I kid you not light bulbs went off and I was so happy to read this.. because I felt the same way, that all of it (Marriage Reconciliation material I went through) was a bunch of BS!! and I’m not talking us betrayed.

Any retreat, couples therapy..

No I don’t want to hear about how WE caused your affair Charles.. no I don’t care about your problems or how you feel about me anymore..

And I don’t care if I’m your number 1. problem.. I suppose it sucks.. but moving on..

Anyways I like their theory about getting me better.. I guess I never knew I was so sick.. good grief I mean look who I married.

And not saying anything about Charles it says alot about me.. and all of you know I’ve been trying to focus on myself.. I get lost.. but that’s what I really want.

Also IHG made a cake reference.. you know since I’ve always hated that phrase with cheater’s they wanted to have their cake and eat it too..

It’s horrible to reference such a wonderful God blessing (cake) with cheaters.. ick.. but IHG says this about cake

Instead of pursuing your quest for the Magic Reconciliation Recipe, why not find a recipe to bake a Health Cake instead? Why not turn your focus away from your cheater and your desire to reconcile, and instead feast on the delicious cake-y goodness of calm, rational determination to be neither defined nor reduced by an affair? Go ahead – gorge on the sweet, luscious frosting that is you forging your way to a healthy, fulfilling life that you love, regardless of your cheater’s shenanigans.

Yes, in the infidelity community being a ‘cake eater’ is A Very Bad Thing. I am not suggesting you be duplicitous or unethical with this particular cake, though. If you want to follow our recipe to get you through an affair, we would recommend that you use high quality, healthy ingredients: authenticity, honesty, clarity, critical thinking, self-worth, education, personal goals, reasoned choice, self-empowerment. And this is a cake that you get to eat, guilt and calorie free.

Any good cook knows that quality food depends on quality ingredients – the same is true for any reconciliation recipe. And we offer that advice, free of charge.

I want a health cake you guys sign me up!!

I know it isn’t a Health Cake but it’s pretty!!

That’s the cake I want for my birthday!! ❤

So since I’m all on the IHG bandwagon I look what to see what they say about reconciliation.. And I have never seen how I felt put into such a short phrase. Because no I am not focused on making my marriage better, putting effort into Charles, rekindling our romance, and now I know I’m not basing my choice to stay out of fear either.

I don’t care if Charles walks out that door today and decides to not come back and because of that fact I think this marriage is not going to work. We need to divorce. But I like most of my life was I just scared to not make my dreams come true on my own? Was I afraid I wouldn’t make it on my own?

Of course I would make it. It would suck terribly in my POV, but I don’t fear getting a job. I just don’t want to. I like taking Squish to the rec and jumping in the bouncy house with her during the day. Greeting my kids off the bus and being home. Charles provides a decent lifestyle for me and I can go find my dreams here.

More so than I could find my dreams while paying two mortgages and working full-time. And if that makes me a gold-digging spouse now then so be it.. But and I bolded it.. you just got to read it..

Take Heart

No matter how badly you feel, you will get through this – it does get better. If you make choices that move you closer to your personal goals then no choice you make is the wrong choice.

You don’t need to scramble to stay with a cheater. You might decide you want to leave and divorce, and that would be entirely okay.

You don’t need to prove anything to the world by walking away. You might choose to stay because it takes you closer to your dreams for yourself, and that is as valid a choice as anyone else’s.

No matter what you decide, decide it with your eyes wide open, with a clear view of who your cheater really is, and a clear view of who you really are and who you really want to be.

Staying because it takes me closer to my dreams for myself and that is a valid choice.

Because I didn’t feel like I was on a fence anymore..

I know now I don’t plan on leaving Charles, sometimes I feared I was scared of change, or too comfortable being a housewife and that’s all I will be. But I also know I don’t value being his wife, being on his arm holds no butterflies for me anymore, nor does kissing him, or banging him.

But my life’s not over and I have been evaluating my dreams more now than ever..

I am excited to accomplish them here with my family. If Charles chooses to stay then fine.. but there’s my reason may not be mainstream reconciliation but I so look forward to finding more about me, and accomplishing little dreams and big dreams..

Time for big doses of Health Cake..

Thanks Bugs never would have found the site if it wasn’t for you..

Been thinking my new blogs name will be “Finding Me” I’m sure that’s taken. I’ll look for open domains after I post this.. so if I’m gone for awhile know I’m still blogging.. just dealing with How Not to Hate my Husband isn’t a priority anymore on my list of to-do’s..

this blog has been such a huge part of my recovery so I doubt I will ever abandon it fully, but I’ll sleep on it a few nights to see if I really am going to take up residence in a new blog.

Don’t worry about finding me I’m sure I’ll find you

Till Next Time..

❤ NH

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13 thoughts on “Finding Infidelity Help Group, Health Cake, Reconciliation, and me finding a new blog

  1. Wow! What a reconciliation manifesto! Deciding to stay together is always against a backdrop of lack of trust and fear that we will be duped again – your post accepts this reality but retains the hope of your personal dreams. Fabulous & good luck but don’t stop writing 🙂

  2. The best thing about the site is that it’s secular. No religious you-must-stay-with-your-husband crap or you’ll be struck down. The guilt all those preachy religious healing sites evoke piss me off.

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