He doesn’t get to..

He doesn’t get to be the one to value our life fully he can’t.

I get it my opinion but to me no one with such a lack of character could.. When they were trying to have sex with each other in our home while I was visiting my brother in Seattle our little L was only about 1 and kept waking up so they couldn’t finish.. What losers..

Our other kids he sent to his parents..

What kind of father does that? Yeah a pretty crappy one one that doesn’t value his family I can tell you that.

One that would prefer to be a fraud and only choose whatever the hell made him happy..

But back to hating him less..

Because He doesn’t get to help me heal. He can be my cash-cow for however long we do this.. but my broken heart. He cannot fix.. my anger he cannot fix.. my healing? He isn’t a part of it..

I’m not sure I can choose anything else right now..

What threw NH for an irritatingly mind-fuck was the ornaments on my tree.. Our precious baby’s faces on so many and during the years of his disgusting-ness. I get what Neph says now about me loving our kids more.

Because I do, I will always because I’m not sure Charles has it in him to love himself fully nor anyone else?

Can I blame him for that if that’s who he is?

Kind of like the kid who grew up with nothing but violence and wasn’t taught anything else.

While his life is different than that, that is all Charles knows to look out for his happiness.

And he thinks after 2 years that he’s done the work on himself that he’s not that guy anymore..

All I can say is wow.. I guess.. okay

Sometimes I wonder if he really does bullshit himself about himself and he must considering the strangest things he says… like..

I’m not that guy anymore..

Yeah okay buddy.. sure you aren’t..

Because the guy who went to marital counseling with his wife and let his mistress watch our kids.. well that guy?  Wow it’s astounds me his foolishness..

But I am also foolish.. I did not like myself enough and found someone who condemned me verbally and with non-physical actions

My husband’s affair was never about our relationship. It’s not about me it’s about what kind of sick destructive behaviors he’s okay with. What kind of sad, lack of character he has.

And while I know it’s probably shows bad form that I am getting better guys.. I am..

I am learning to heal and how I handle the way he is..

I am learning that I will never be over this..

And I’m learning that I’m going to be okay, my children will be okay, and we will live life in abundance with or without Charles..

Time will tell..

 

 

 

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