So many blogs are gone.. And new ways of thinking..

I don’t know how many I follow but it seemed I never would see updates, and I FOLLOW.. many betrayed blogs..

And wow many are gone..

You’d think if someone deleted their blog the blog in your reader would disappear but it doesn’t.

And many are gone..

It was shocking..

Many just stopped writing for one reason or another.

I miss reading their posts..

And then there’s this..

I saw a show with a husband who comes home from war or wherever and the wife and child waited for him and are so happy.

I remember that feeling.

I remember sparkles and glitter.. I remember being happy with Charles..

I remember feeling in his arms was the best ever..

Now it’s okay sometimes it’s nice..

But the more I find out the crap I went through to be with him? How little self-worth I had to think I was so lucky to be married to the next douche bag cheater?  Ugh.. can you feel the eyeroll?

And what I miss will never return.

Because he’s different.. and we all know I’m different.

And what I miss?? What I long for to feel those butterflies again.. romance.. excitement to be married to someone and think gee day after day yeah life can really suck but at least I have you by my side..

I don’t have any of that. I don’t miss him when he’s working and when he says he misses me? I don’t know how to respond.

When he tells me I’m beautiful, he’s sorry, or everything else he says..

I say thank you.

When he says he loves me and seems to me I’m the only woman he ever wants in my life…

I really can’t say the same back.

He’s not my father, brother, my children.

He’s just a man who broke my heart, stabbed me in the back, and let someone else stab me as well. And just watched, because he was more important than our marriage, me, our kids, God..

I still sleep in the same bed with him.

Learning new skills to deal with him, to learn about myself.. is difficult for me.

What I want, what I can do to accomplish what I want, where I’m going, and how I am enjoying the present hour?

I recently am reading.. “Getting Past What You Will Never Get Over”

It’s a decent read..

The book mentioned how long am I going to be angry?

How much time do I need to be angry in a day about what has happened?

Interesting questions..

Something I think about..

Also reading.

“Changing the Conversation”

I may buy that one..

Till Next Time

NH

 

 

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